It’s Beauty In The Struggle

 

woman in struggle

Author: Amy Nicole

Two years ago I wrote a blog post called “Pursuit of Happiness”  regarding my decision to quit my decent salary paying  job with benefits to set out on a journey to find my purpose in life.  I didn’t expect my journey to be easy but I also didn’t expect the struggle to be so real. Initially when I left my job I didn’t have a plan in place; I just left on a limb. Shortly after I found myself living in South Carolina with my older brother working at a call center barely making enough to pay my bills.

While living in South Carolina I managed to get a film internship and I also created a joint blog and business with my twin sister called “The Double Scoop”. I was happy that I was beginning to follow my true passions but at the same time I was also very depressed because I wasn’t happy with my financial situation or where I was in life.  Although I was enjoying my internship opportunity, it wasn’t paid and I was struggling financially. I was starting to see other people my age making progress in their careers and starting families and I felt like I was getting farther behind in where I was supposed to be in life.  To make matters worse over the course of a year I had been on over 15 job interviews but wasn’t selected for any of the positions. I was starting to feel completely broken and questioned if I made the wrong decision by quitting my job.   Although I wasn’t doing well financially my blog was starting to do great and I was beginning to make amazing connections with artists and filmmakers. At the time I couldn’t appreciate the opportunity that  was given to me because I was too busy comparing my success to where other people were in their life.  

After living with my brother for a year I ended up having to move back home with my parents in Mississippi. While at home I went on several more interviews and I still couldn’t get a job in my field. I was at my lowest point and I questioned if I was being punished by God for taking my career for granted. But then I thought why would I be punished for trying to pursue what I love and what makes me happy. I disappeared from social media for a while and I became more reclusive. I felt like my confidence was gone.

Four months ago I got a job offer in Charlotte, North Carolina at a small university similar to the school that I worked for two years ago. If I could describe the extreme feeling of appreciation that I had it would be the scene in the movie “Pursuit of Happiness” when Will Smith’s character was offered a job after completing his internship. It’s surreal how much things have changed over these last two years. I went from being broke, jobless, and living at home with my parents to now living in a new state with a new job, having a new place, and having my own media business.

office in Charlotte
In my office at my new job in Charlotte.

Although I’m not at the point where I can live completely off of the income that I make from my business I am  proud of all the things that I have accomplished since starting it. I have been able to interview artist and filmmakers, attend entertainment events, help co-write a script, and host a music podcast. If I wouldn’t have left my job two years ago I probably would not have  accomplished any of these things.

Me covering an event for my blog.

Sometimes when we go through struggles in life it’s not necessarily that we’re getting punished but I believe God and the universe is shaping us into being better versions of ourselves.  My struggle has definitely changed me for the better. I’ve matured a lot, I’ve developed a stronger work ethic, and I have definitely been humbled. I realize how much your circumstances in life can change and how quickly you can lose everything that you’ve worked for. I don’t take anything for granted anymore and I try to live each day like it’s my last. My goal within the next 2-3 years is to be able to work for myself and I believe I’m well on the way to accomplishing just that.

Photo Credit: Free E-Consultation

 

The Coldest Winter Ever: My Battle With Depression

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Author: Ashley E.

Winter was always one of my favorite seasons until last year.  Last winter things had gotten so bad for me that I found myself sitting in front of a therapist hoping she could help me put my life back together. I had been dealing with depression on and off for the past 2 years but it was starting to take a heavy toll on me and prayers and pep talks with friends weren’t helping me cope anymore.

 In those two years I experienced a failed relationship, the news of an unexpected health problem, losing my job, and moving to a new unfamiliar state without a plan.  A few months into my move I found myself broke, behind on bills and on the verge of having my car repossessed. I just couldn’t figure out how I lost so much control over my life in such a short period of time. If you could rewind my life back three years prior things seemed to be going pretty good for me. I had a second degree under my belt and I was working a job in my field making decent money and just living a normal life for the most part. That was my reality check on how easily your circumstances can change and how your world can get flipped upside down in the blink of an eye.

Every single day for almost a year I would wake up with the thoughts of my problems on my mind and I would carry those thoughts with me throughout the entire day. I felt like I was losing my mind because the thoughts were never ending and they were starting to have an effect on my health. It got to a point where I looked forward to going to sleep because it was the only time I had peace of mind from my problems. I always considered myself to be a strong individual but having to deal with all of those problems at one time caused me to reach my breaking point.  I felt like I was failing at life and for the first time I felt inadequate and unimportant. It’s crazy how when it seems like everything is going wrong in your life you forget about everything that is going right and you forget about all of your accomplishments and talents. It really hit me that I needed to seek help when my thoughts started becoming suicidal. The thought of going to sleep and not waking up was becoming a reoccurring thought in my mind.

 Going to counseling turned out to be really helpful for me. It wasn’t a quick fix to my problems but my therapist was able to help me re-frame my thoughts and give me a new perspective on my situation.  There is still a lot of stigma associated with depression and mental illness and a lot of people don’t see them as major health problems. It’s ironic because our mind is what keeps our entire body in check but we tend to neglect it the most.

I wrote this post because I wanted to share my experience with anyone that might be dealing with depression in hopes that it might let someone out there know they are not alone and that it’s okay to get help. My mom has suffered from clinical depression for years and I always disregarded her situation as something that she can simply control but once it affected me I realized it wasn’t something you could snap out of so easily.

As I continue on my journey to self-love and building a better relationship with myself, I’m constantly making sure my mind, body, and spirit are in tune. A lot of times we give so much of ourselves to other people without taking time out for us. It’s okay to be selfish with your time to take care of yourself and it’s okay to reach out for help when you feel like you’re sinking.  Life can get heavy and behind those smiles most of us wear daily we are dealing with internal issues.