lifestyle – The Double Scoop

Where Do We Go From Here

Author: Amy Nicole

For most people the reality that Donald Trump will soon be our new commander-in-chief is slowly starting to sink in. Seriously….. a man who has been blatantly disrespectful to women and who has made very ignorant and disrespectful comments about minorities, veterans and people with disabilities will soon become the next president of our country!

I can’t say I was thrilled about Hillary Clinton being the next president, but I definitely believe she was more qualified than Donald Trump. The fact that so many people felt that a man with no experience in politics is equipped to run a country completely baffles me. I think it’s crazy that out of all the candidates that could have ran for office he was considered the best option.

Protests have erupted all across the country by people opposed to Trump’s election win. I definitely don’t think he was the right choice for president but at this point what can we really do about it? The decision has been made.

dump-trump — Photo Credit: Chicago Tribune

Although I was shocked by the election results, I really can’t say that I was all that surprised by the outcome. To be real a lot of people (especially people of color) opted not to vote in this election because they didn’t support either presidential candidate. I don’t agree with that decision but to each his own.

We didn’t just vote for the president in this election, we also voted for other important state leaders. I live in North Carolina and my ballot had over 30 candidates which included U.S. senate representatives, house representatives, governors, lieutenant governors, etc. What people fail to realize is that the officials elected into the smaller offices have a big impact on a lot of the bills and laws that can be approved by the president.

I have male friends who have said that they don’t believe President Obama did anything for the black community but I don’t agree. A lot of the bills that President Obama tried to pass while he was in office were rejected by members of the opposite party who were elected as house representatives. So when people say their vote doesn’t count, it actually does.I admit I haven’t been that up on politics like I should be but for this election I took the time out to research different candidates and to learn more about their positions and job duties.

So now that the election is over and done with where do we go from here? A few days ago I was driving to work and I heard Al Sharpton say on the radio that we have survived a Bush presidency and a Lydon B. Johnson presidency, we can definitely handle a Trump presidency.

I think Trump’s election win was a wake-up call to a lot of people. We need to do a better job of educating ourselves on how politics and legislative can affect us. We also need to put our differences aside and unite as American people.

I will never forget the night President Obama was elected into office. Just to think at one point in time the life of a black person was equivalent to that of an animal. Fast forward to 2008 and I was able to witness the first black man get elected as president of the United States. It was such a historic moment in time that I will never forget! I’m definitely going to miss the Obamas being my first family; I don’t think there will ever be another first family quite like them. Although I may not have agreed with everything that President Obama did while he was in office I believe he had the best interest of the American people at heart. I really appreciate everything that he has done for our country.

Personally I will not acknowledge Trump as my president and I’m going to continue to work my ass off so that I can become a self-sufficient entrepreneur. Let’s not let fear invade our spirits as Trump prepares to take office. We need to stop giving so much power and responsibility to other people to make change happen for us. Get out and make stuff happen for yourself! The ball is in our court!

In the words of Kendrick Lamar “We gone be alright”!

I Forgot To Live In The Moment

Author: Amy Nicole

Life shifts so quickly from one moment to the next and at times even though we may be present in the moment, we may not be living in the moment. Social media doesn’t help with this because we are so busy trying to capture our life through photos or videos that we are actually robbed of really enjoying that time.

A few days ago I was looking at old pictures on my phone and I came across one of me and my sisters at the beach in Destin, Florida from two years ago. I laughed looking at the photo because I remember asking my brother’s girlfriend to take the picture of us literally like 20 times so that I could post the perfect picture on Instagram.

Looking back on that moment I realize how much I was missing out on making a great memory with my sisters instead of being focused on a picture that we don’t even look at anymore. That was actually the case for most of the pictures in my photo library and I thought about how many moments in life I actually missed out on. Another issue that I have that prevents me from living in the moment is being a compulsive thinker LOL! Even when I’m out having a good time I either find myself dwelling on situations that have happened in the past or I worry about things that I have to do in the future which causes me not to be present in the moment.

Over the last two to three years I’ve either lost a family member or someone that I know has lost someone close to them. This has definitely changed my outlook on life a lot. Death always puts life back into perspective because it makes you realize just how temporary and short life can be and it also makes you appreciate every day that you have to be alive.

Aside from the promotion of my blog I don’t share too much of my personal life on social media anymore and I’m enjoying life so much better now. Life is nothing but moments in time and I want to really enjoy these moments while I still have my family and friends around and while I have the opportunity to do so!

Photo Credit: FOTF

Happily Single

Author: Ashley E.

Thanks to social media my time-lines are flooded with selfies of engagements, happy couples, weddings and cute kids on a regular basis. See most women my age are married with multiple kids trying to find a balance between being a mom and a wife. They are juggling the responsibilities and challenges that come with having those two roles along with the many other roles that life brings. As I write this post the most challenging thing on my mind is what I am going to eat tomorrow. My life as it pertains to only me right now is for the most part pretty simple and I like it! I have nothing close to a potential spouse and the thought of having a baby is the furthest thing from my mind. I even have thoughts that maybe marriage and kids might not happen for me and I’m totally fine with that outcome if that’s my fate. Making the decision to commit to another person for the rest of your life is serious business and it’s a job that not everyone can handle. Being from the south and living in the good ole Bible belt where tradition is the norm, many people especially older adults are shocked by my carefree attitude towards being single and childless.

At one point in my life I found myself always being in a relationship and when I wasn’t in one I was searching and longing for the next relationship that I hoped would be the “right” one. The “right one” being that relationship that would get me the ring and a walk down the aisle in my white dress because that’s what I grew up believing was the goal for women and a key to a piece of happiness. As I’ve mentioned before in a previous post (The Coldest Winter Ever: My Battle With Depression), I found myself in a difficult battle with depression over a year ago. One bad life experience after another kept piling up on me until mentally I broke down and had to reach out to a therapist for help. During that time I kind of shut myself off from men because I had too much going on internally and I wasn’t in the right state of mind to develop a relationship with anybody. Truth be told most of my previous relationships had caused me more stress than happiness.

My time of isolation allowed me to take a thorough internal look at myself; the good, the bad, and the ugly and I was able to analyze who I really was. With me always being in a relationship I didn’t know who I was outside of one. When you enter a relationship not knowing who you are it’s easy to get lost in someone else and become what that person feels you should be instead of being who you truly want to be. Surprisingly I found out that I didn’t know myself as well as I thought and I wanted to make some changes. It was also during that time I became more spiritual and I started studying the law of attraction. I reassessed past relationships and the type of person I was in those relationships.

I remember having a conversation about relationships and marriage with a lady about a year ago and her words stuck with me. She said sometimes when we dislike a person it’s because there is something about them that reminds us of ourselves; it’s like looking at your reflection in the mirror. It made me think about the energy I was giving off to people and in exchange what type of relationships/energy I was attracting in my life. Being alone has given me time to reflect on my past and really analyze what I want from a relationship. I questioned what exactly was happiness to me and was I looking for a relationship to bring me happiness? Was I basing my happiness on another person’s standards?

I’m definitely more self aware of who I am now and I’m constantly growing. I feel like I’ve changed for the better being single which I think is amazing because I want to be the greatest version of myself before someone else becomes a part of my life. I don’t necessarily believe another person should complete you or make you whole. I think another person should enhance the good that’s already within you. Since I’ve changed my experiences and the people coming into my life have even changed for the better. I think I’m happier now than I’ve been in a while and I finally feel like I’m living in the moment instead dwelling so much on the past or the future.

Some people look at me almost in pity like being single is a death sentence but I pity a lot of people who are miserable in relationships because they don’t want to be alone or because they feel it’s the right thing to do based on another person’s standards. Many people are out here looking to fill voids and they think a relationship is going to fix their problems. At some point you have to come face to face with yourself and recognize who you are and many don’t know who they are.

One of my college friends who is married gave me some advice about a year ago. She said there are perks to being single and married but once you get married your life changes forever. She said marriage is very challenging at times and it has its ups and downs. She told me to appreciate where I was at that point and to enjoy life as much as I could being single because once you make a lifelong commitment to another person it won’t be about just me anymore. I was in a bad place mentally at that time so it was hard for her words to sink in, but now her words are echoing all throughout my head and I am very much happy as a single woman and just living and enjoying the moments I have by myself. And if I decide to make that decision to get married or just commit to an exclusive relationship again I can say without a doubt I lived and really enjoyed my life as a single woman.

It’s cliche but it’s so true, if you don’t know how to be happy single, you won’t know how to be happy in a relationship. I’m happy and I’m done defining my happiness and living my life by another person’s standards. I’m doing me and loving it! 😉

It’s Beauty In The Struggle

Author: Amy Nicole

Two years ago I wrote a blog post called “Pursuit of Happiness” regarding my decision to quit my decent salary paying job with benefits to set out on a journey to find my purpose in life. I didn’t expect my journey to be easy but I also didn’t expect the struggle to be so real. Initially when I left my job I didn’t have a plan in place; I just left on a limb. Shortly after I found myself living in South Carolina with my older brother working at a call center barely making enough to pay my bills.

While living in South Carolina I managed to get a film internship and I also created a joint blog and business with my twin sister called “The Double Scoop”. I was happy that I was beginning to follow my true passions but at the same time I was also very depressed because I wasn’t happy with my financial situation or where I was in life. Although I was enjoying my internship opportunity, it wasn’t paid and I was struggling financially. I was starting to see other people my age making progress in their careers and starting families and I felt like I was getting farther behind in where I was supposed to be in life. To make matters worse over the course of a year I had been on over 15 job interviews but wasn’t selected for any of the positions. I was starting to feel completely broken and questioned if I made the wrong decision by quitting my job. Although I wasn’t doing well financially my blog was starting to do great and I was beginning to make amazing connections with artists and filmmakers. At the time I couldn’t appreciate the opportunity that was given to me because I was too busy comparing my success to where other people were in their life.

After living with my brother for a year I ended up having to move back home with my parents in Mississippi. While at home I went on several more interviews and I still couldn’t get a job in my field. I was at my lowest point and I questioned if I was being punished by God for taking my career for granted. But then I thought why would I be punished for trying to pursue what I love and what makes me happy. I disappeared from social media for a while and I became more reclusive. I felt like my confidence was gone.

Four months ago I got a job offer in Charlotte, North Carolina at a small university similar to the school that I worked for two years ago. If I could describe the extreme feeling of appreciation that I had it would be the scene in the movie “Pursuit of Happiness” when Will Smith’s character was offered a job after completing his internship. It’s surreal how much things have changed over these last two years. I went from being broke, jobless, and living at home with my parents to now living in a new state with a new job, having a new place, and having my own media business.

office in Charlotte — In my office at my new job in Charlotte.

Although I’m not at the point where I can live completely off of the income that I make from my business I am proud of all the things that I have accomplished since starting it. I have been able to interview artist and filmmakers, attend entertainment events, help co-write a script, and host a music podcast. If I wouldn’t have left my job two years ago I probably would not have accomplished any of these things.

Sometimes when we go through struggles in life it’s not necessarily that we’re getting punished but I believe God and the universe is shaping us into being better versions of ourselves. My struggle has definitely changed me for the better. I’ve matured a lot, I’ve developed a stronger work ethic, and I have definitely been humbled. I realize how much your circumstances in life can change and how quickly you can lose everything that you’ve worked for. I don’t take anything for granted anymore and I try to live each day like it’s my last. My goal within the next 2-3 years is to be able to work for myself and I believe I’m well on the way to accomplishing just that.

Photo Credit: Free E-Consultation

SOCIETAL DESPAIR

Author: The Double Scoop

(Amy’s Thoughts):

Last week was very tough for many people especially for people of color. Alton Sterling and Philando Castile were added to the rapidly growing list of black men killed at the hands of police officers. A few days after both men were killed five police officers were murdered in retaliation for their deaths. It’s so hard to believe that incidents like these are actually happening in 2016.

Sometimes I can’t bear to watch the news because it seems like there is always something tragic going on in the world. I was at work when I heard the news about Philando Castile. I was scrolling through social media and came across the video clip of his death. I watched the video at least three times and each time I got angrier. I was upset because the police officer who shot him didn’t seem to have any remorse for the dying man and I was disgusted by the way the officers treated the girlfriend of the victim. The officers rudely asked Diamond Reynolds to get on the ground and never once asked her if she was okay or apologized for murdering her boyfriend in front of her. In my opinion they were treated like animals.

The murder of innocent people is becoming so normal in our society that people are becoming desensitized to it. One of the most ignorant comments that I’ve read from people who are not black is that if the victim would have just obeyed the officer they would still be alive. It also irks me when media outlets dig up criminal records of the victims to help justify their death.

We are supposed to be able to trust our judicial system but instead we have to live in fear. I don’t know about anybody else but I’m not excited about this upcoming presidential election. I haven’t been keeping up with the election coverage like I should because none of the candidates give me much hope about improving our country. With everything that is going on in the world today I find myself often in a state of despair. Prayer and meditation helps but it still doesn’t make the hopelessness go away.

Like most people I vent my thoughts on social media and I attend rallies to support change but when the smoke clears I return back to my regular life. After every tragic incident we rally and march but I’m not seeing any change come about. I recently read two great articles on ways that people can continue to advocate for change in their communities. One article was from XoNecole and the other one was from Blavity. Some of suggestions from the articles included joining local advocacy groups, writing local representatives about issues you want to see addressed, or even boycotting certain businesses. I definitely want to do more to help bring about change in the best way that I can.

I believe that everyone was created with a specific gift that they can use to help better society in some type of way. My gift is writing and through my words I hope that I can help someone in a positive way. Even with this post although it may seem small compared to what other people are doing I hope it can encourage or uplift someone who is experiencing similar thoughts.

(Ashley’s Thoughts):

Moving Beyond The Hashtag

Three years ago I wrote a blog post called “Will We Still Remember Trayvon” in response to the murder of a 17 year old African American teenager named Trayvon Martin who was shot and killed by a police officer. During the past three years I lost count of the victims that have been killed under similar circumstances following Trayvon’s death. Last week videos surfaced online of two young black men being shot and killed by police officers in separate incidents.

One of the recent victims was a 37 year old black man named Alton Sterling. The video showed him being tackled to the ground and pinned down by 2 white police officers and then later shot over 5 times. I watched the video several times and each time I am unable to see where Sterling’s actions warranted him being shot to death. The other victim was a 32 year old black man named Philando Castile. Castile was shot by a police officer after being asked to show his identification. When Philando reached for his ID the officer shot and killed him.

I feel like we are on the verge of a modern day Civil War. Racial tension is extremely high right now and some have already retaliated with the murders of the 5 officers that were killed a few days ago in Dallas in response to the deaths of Sterling and Castile. Rallies and protests are taking place across the US because black people as well as other ethnicities are fed up with black lives being undervalued. Personally I do feel that all lives matter and I have sympathy for the officers who were slain because I know all officers are not corrupt and many put their lives on the line every day to serve and protect people of all backgrounds and ethnicities without hesitation. I also know a lot of black officers personally that are fighting a double battle; being black and being an officer of the law. I’ve also heard the continuous argument that black people kill each other every day at an alarming rate and no one rallies or protests until a black life is taken by someone of another race.

I understand these sentiments but as a black woman I can clearly see that even today black life is not valued or viewed the same compared to some other races. Equality for all is still something yet to be achieved in our country. I’m at a point now where I’m tired of hashtags and social media rants especially if there is no action taken beyond those platforms. Every time a death occurs there is outrage and protests, another name added behind a hashtag and after a few months the momentum wears off and we are back at square one until it happens again. It’s easy to feel hopeless because a lot of us want to help but we’re unsure of what exactly can be done or where to start. I’m ready to do my part and I’m ready to see a change. As a black woman not slighting any other race I want to do my part to replenish and strengthen the black community and I’m willing to collaborate with others to strategize ways to make that possible. I’m ready to work towards changing the stereotypes and perceptions of how many black people are viewed by others and even how we view each other.

If you would like to contribute to the Go Fund Me Campaign for Alton Sterling’s family click here. The money raised will go towards a scholarship for Alton’s children.

Photo Credit: StarTribune; TheBklynSocial; Daily Mail

TINDER 101

Author: Amy Nicole

I recently moved to Charlotte, North Carolina where I don’t know anyone so I decided to join Tinder. Tinder is known as a hook up site so I definitely wasn’t looking to fall in love; I joined more so to meet new people that could help me get acclimated to the city and to have a little fun.

Well if you’re not familiar with Tinder it’s a dating app mostly used by young professionals in their 20s and early 30s. To use the app you set up a profile and tailor your dating search criteria by selecting your age range and location preference. After you set your preferences you can start seeing dating potentials. If you’re interested in a person you swipe to the right and if you’re not interested you swipe left. If you show an interest in someone who is also interested in you then you would become a match and can start messaging each other. Seems pretty easy right? You would think so but now Tinder has an option where you can link your Instagram account to your dating profile. I had a couple of instances where guys who I didn’t match with tried to slide up in my DMs! LOL you ain’t slick!

After you get matched up with potentials that is when you can start the weaning out process of who is actually looking for a relationship and who is just looking to hook up. I noticed that the guys who actually wrote a bio about themselves were more sincere about wanting to find a relationship. What I also noticed is that if a person messages you first they are genuinely interested in you but if you have to message them first they most likely have plenty of other options to choose from. I avoided guys who had too much to say on their bios, especially the ones who complained about being a good guy always being overlooked. That was an indicator that the issue of them being single was most likely because of them. In all I matched with about 14 guys. Of the 14 guys I went on two dates.

Now the fun part….Date night!

So to keep the guys anonymous I’m going to give them nicknames.

My first date was with “Sergeant of Arms” because he was a military man. Well prior to going on our date we didn’t talk on the phone, we only communicated through texts and Tinder messaging. The night of the date he offered to pick me up from my place. I was skeptical because I didn’t know him but I was new to the city and we both felt it would be more convenient if we rode together. I let him pick me up in front of my building but didn’t tell him my apartment number. I also made sure to send my friends and siblings screen shots of him in case I came up missing. When I saw him in person he wasn’t bad looking but he definitely looked better in his pictures. He was also very cocky and arrogant which is a huge turn off in my book. As soon as I got in the car with him he looked me up and down and said he needed to make sure that I looked the way I did in my pictures. I was annoyed but I brushed it off.

For the first part of our date we went to a chill bar type of restaurant. Our initial conversation felt more like an interview because he pretty much went down his whole list of requirements of what he wanted in a woman. He also explained to me that he was still single because he was very picky. I just sipped my drink and listened. By this point I definitely knew I would not be going on a second date with him. After I had a couple of drinks I started to loosen up and the date started to get better. He was actually a cool guy but not really my type. Later that night we went to play pool. I didn’t really know how to play but he taught me the basics so I had a pretty good time. Overall the date was cool but I didn’t really feel like we were compatible.

My second date was with “The Tattooed Musician”. I had actually talked to him on the phone a few times before we went out so I had a better feel of his personality. The night of our date we met up in the music/art district of town called NADO. He told me that I should some-what dress up so the night of the date I wore a cute and simple day party dress. When I showed up he was dressed very casual so I was a bit annoyed because I didn’t feel like we complimented each other. He also looked very different in person to the point where I would not have recognized him if I would have saw him prior to us actually meeting. The date was cool; we had some drinks and we ate at one of the nearby restaurants. After we finished eating he bought a bottle of Moscato and we went back to his place to watch tv.

I thought we would have watched a movie but instead we watched episodes of Family Guy….. (I will leave it at that). While we were drinking and watching tv I heard someone moving around upstairs. I asked him if he had a roommate and he said he was living with his mom temporarily to save up money for a new tattoo studio. In an effort to not scare me off he explained to me that he and his mom had an agreement that when he had guest over she would stay upstairs or leave the house. (Ummmm that didn’t really help).

But hey I’m not judging, I’ve had to move back in with my parents before too. That information just would have been nice to know prior to me coming over to his place. Overall the date was cool but again just like with the first date the chemistry wasn’t there for me.

Overall Tinder was a decent experience but I realize that online dating just isn’t for me. I don’t think you can get a good feel of a person’s personality through the internet. I would rather stick to meeting someone in person where I can actually talk to them before deciding if I want to exchange numbers or go out on a date.

You Don’t Know My Name

Author: Ashley E

I was feeling a little nostalgic the other day so I started listening to music and watching some of my favorite videos from a few years ago. Alicia Keys “You Don’t Know My Name” was one of the videos that came across my playlist. Now that I’m older I can appreciate the story-line in the video more than when I watched it for the first time. I can also appreciate how fine Mos Def was! LOL Not sure why I didn’t notice it back then, maybe my taste in men has changed.

I know I’m not the only girl that could quote verbatim the words of Alicia Key’s telephone conversation when she finally decided to let her crush (Mos Def) know she had been peeping him for a while and was ready to let him know she was interested.

“ Hello….. can I speak to…to Michael?”

“Oh hey how you doing?”

“I feel kinda silly doing this but uh… this is the waitress from the coffee house on 39^th and Lenox…you know the one with the braids?”

“yea…”.

“Well I see you on Wednesdays all the time. You come in every Wednesday on your lunch break I think…and you always order the special with the hot chocolate.”

“My manager be tripping and stuff talking about we gotta use water.. but I always use some milk and cream for you because I think you’re kinda sweet…”

While I was reminiscing watching the video it made me think about how almost extinct phone conversations have become. I can barely remember what it feels like to get excited when someone you’re feeling hits you up and ya’ll talk for hours. We are definitely living in the social media era so instead of communicating verbally most of us communicate through texting, Facebook, Instagram, twitter, Snapchat and the list goes on.

I remember a couple of years ago how I would always talk on the phone; now the majority of my conversations are through text, group me, or some other social media app. When someone does call me to talk it feels almost weird and sometimes I hit the decline button because I would rather text than to talk because it’s more convenient.

I think I realized the disconnect when one of my good guy friends called me out of the blue not too long ago and we talked for hours! I forgot how good it felt to have an actual conversation and really check in with someone to see how life is treating them. It definitely made me realize I have to do better with keeping in touch verbally. You can put off talking to someone for so long that one day you look up and realize years have passed by.

I think social media is amazing in a sense that we’re able to communicate and interact with so many different people simultaneously and because of its convenience, but at the same time I personally feel it has hurt communication in a way and has almost created an illusion that we’re building a connection but in reality we’re very detached and distant.

I’ve met people before who were totally different on social media than they were in person. Some were extremely outgoing online but in person the total opposite. I think social media gives some individuals a platform to become people they’re not or a way to live out their alter egos and fantasies.

A lot of times you find out that you really don’t know the person well at all. I meet a lot of guys who consider “text conversations” actual conversations. Texting and social media are cool but to me it’s so informal. It’s hard to really establish something authentic if that’s pretty much the only way you’re communicating.

I think it’s crazy that some people ask for my Instagram name before they ask for my actual name. Times have definitely changed but when it comes to dating relationships I still prefer those REAL conversations. I’m working on making a better effort to communicate more verbally with family and friends too. We’re all busy and social media makes it very convenient to stay in touch but I don’t want to lose that authentic connection.

So what do you guys think, has social media hurt the way we communicate?

PRETTY HURTS

Author: Amy Nicole

We have all heard the common phrases, “embrace your own beauty” or “love the skin you’re in,” but with mainstream society’s close minded standard of beauty you might find yourself second guessing your individual and unique beauty.

Social media went crazy last week when Lil Kim posted a selfie on Instagram with an obvious altered facial appearance and a lighter skin tone. Some of the comments from people were very harsh. She was accused of wanting to be white and many people expressed that they felt she looked better before her surgery.

In a 2000 interview with Newsweek Lil Kim admitted to having low-self esteem and had the following to say about her poor self-image:

“Guys always cheated on me with women who were European-looking. You know, the long-hair type. Really beautiful women that left me thinking, ‘How I can I compete with that?’ Being a regular black girl wasn’t good enough.”

I sympathize with Lil Kim because I thought she was an attractive woman before the surgery and I hate that she let other people’s opinion influence her. The whole “beauty is within” statement is hard to swallow when we live in a society that caters to physical appearance and youth. I feel like it’s especially harder in society for women. A lot of rappers contradict themselves when they refer to women as queens in some songs and in other songs will refer to them as basic if they don’t resemble picture perfect women like on television. It’s hard to feel beautiful when the definition of what constitutes beauty looks nothing like you.

No one knows this about me except for my twin sister but 4 years ago when I was on a trip in Dallas I got fillers under my eyes. If you’re not familiar with a filler, it is a liquid substance that is injected into the skin with a needle to help add volume to a specific area of your body. Most people who get fillers are women who are 40 plus but I was in my 20s! Crazy right?! Well the reason I got them in the first place is because I have small natural bags under my eyes. The crazy thing is that my bags are really only noticeable to me. I didn’t really have a problem with the way that I looked but I guess I was looking to have this flawless appearance like the women I saw daily on television.

Well to make a long story short my experience was horrible. My face reacted badly to the fillers and it swelled up. The area under my eyes ended up turning white and I looked like a geisha doll literally! The scary thing about fillers is that it can sometimes take months or years for the substance to completely dissolve from your body. I was horrified because I thought my face would be frozen like that forever. Lucky for me I was working at a college at that time and the school was closed for a week for spring break. By the time the break was over my face was back to normal. After that experience I said I would never try any type of facial altering again. It’s just too risky because sometimes some changes can become permanent.

I think what a lot of people including myself struggle with the most is getting too stuck in the physical. Dwelling on physical appearance is very materialistic especially since your looks can easily change. You could get in a bad accident which could permanently alter your appearance; not to mention as we get older what we look like is going to change so we shouldn’t base our self-worth solely on our appearance. In essence we are all spiritual beings so we should start to look more at internal beauty as opposed to external.

Photo Credit: The Blacker The Berry

It’s Okay To Be Selfish

Author: Amy Nicole

I’ve been told by my family that I can be selfish at times. I admit sometimes I look out for my own interest before I consider those of others but that is something I’m definitely trying to improve on.

But I wonder is being selfish always a bad thing? I believe when it comes down to your mental well-being, happiness, and health that it’s perfectly okay to be selfish. I used to be this person who cared so much about what other people thought about me and I would work so hard to please everyone. It got to the point where I was putting my own happiness to the backburner. As you get older you realize that pleasing everyone is impossible.

A few months ago I was having a family crisis which was also during a time when I was unemployed and living back at home with my parents. I had been traveling to Atlanta and Charlotte, North Carolina 2 to 3 times a month interviewing for jobs and getting rejection emails back to back. During that time I was very depressed and was in a bad mental state. My mom thought it would be for the best interest of the family if we all postponed our plans whether it be moving to a new state or seeking job opportunities until the situation was under control. My older brother who was finishing his medical residency in another state also considered pulling out of school temporarily to move back home. I love my family but I didn’t agree with my mom’s suggestion because none of us knew when the crisis would be resolved or if it ever would be. I didn’t feel like me being at home would have any significant impact on what was going on.

My mom is very selfless but she also neglects her own well being a lot of times. She always expresses to my siblings and I how she wished she would have had the opportunity to move to California with the rest of her sisters when she was younger. Instead of moving to California she stayed in Mississippi to help take care of my sick grandmother. As time passed on by she ended up getting married and having kids and her dreams of moving away never came into fruition.

The older that I get I realize how precious time is. As humans we don’t have forever and I don’t want to end up being one of those people who look by at their life when they are an elder and regret all the things that never got a chance to do.

After almost two years of interviewing for jobs I was finally offered a job in Charlotte, North Carolina. I accepted the job offer even though my family’s crisis still isn’t completely resolved. I had been depressed and unhappy for a long time and I needed this move to get me back in a better mental state. It’s been almost a month since I’ve moved and I’m in such a better place in life. My family is doing much better now but most importantly I’m happy and my happiness is the utmost importance to me at this stage in my life.

Photo Cred: SHARENATOR

BAD RELIGION

Author: Amy Nicole

Have you ever questioned your religion or faith? There are so many religions in the world so how do you know for sure your religion is true. Is religion a form of false hope or control? Does it do more harm than good? Today many people under the age of 40 are separating from traditional religion and are leaning more towards spirituality for guidance in life. This is happening on a mass level now which some people are referring to as a “global awakening.” I reached out to adults under the age of 40 to get their input on the topic of religion and included their feedback in this post.

As a child I grew up in a Christian household. I was taught to read the bible, say my prayers, go to church, and live by the teachings of Christ so that I can inherit the kingdom of heaven after I die. Now that I’m getting older I’m starting to question certain aspects of my beliefs. I think about how so many people have such a hard life compared to others yet we all face the same fate of either going to heaven or hell after we die based on the type of life that we lived while on earth. This concept to me just doesn’t seem fair or make sense. I often wonder that if heaven and hell are the only two alternatives after death why were so many planets created that we will never have access to.

“I use to be religious, going through the ritual/tradition of things, but I consider myself consciously awakened so I’m more spiritual now not adhering to any one particular religion. I feel the things most people were taught growing up when their grown they question what they were taught and begin a spiritual quest for true knowledge and enlightenment.” ~~GB~~

“I don’t really believe that what we do on earth affects what happens after. I know for a fact that what we do here affects what happens here. I believe in the consequences of free will, and I don’t believe much in things being meant to be. Just not sure if I believe there’s some cosmic being up in the clouds making a naughty and nice list like Santa Clause anymore. Or that God created the devil, knows exactly what the devils going to do and could stop him at anytime but doesn’t.” ~~D.L.~~

I haven’t been to church in a while because to be honest I have become very churched out. I can’t relate anymore to someone telling me that I’m sinning because I get depressed or that I’m doomed to the pits of hell because it’s hard for me to forgive someone who has hurt me badly. I don’t like the fact that religion is used as a fear tactic and that our behaviors are controlled by fear. I want to be a good person just because that’s who I am and I don’t want to feel forced to behave a certain way when that’s really not who I am. A lot of times I think religion takes advantage of oppressed people. It bothers me when I go to church and preachers convict the poor to give all of their money in tithes when they are struggling to keep their lights on. A lot of preachers promise their congregation prosperity when in fact in the bible Jesus strayed away from the wealthy.

“I started questioning my beliefs back in 2009 when I was in college. I had a scientologist roommate and I started asking her about her beliefs which made me start doing more research. I grew up in a Christian household and when I started questioning my beliefs my parents would always tell me to pray about it. I just knew there had to be more out there. Some people get so stuck in the physical and you can’t elevate if you’re stuck in the physical. I think religion externalizes the God in you; you get so caught up in what you’re not supposed to do. I believe hell can be here on earth, it is a state of mind. After we die we elevate to another place in the universe, a spiritual realm.” ~~Inlightedsol~~

In my opinion religion today is starting to become nothing more than a label. Most of us pick and choose sins that we feel are acceptable and we condemn people who partake in sinful activity that we choose not to take part in. I’m not claiming to be a saint because I’m far from it but I do consider myself to be a genuine person and the life that I claim to live is the life that I truly attempt to live by every day.

I’ve been getting more in tune with my spirituality over the last year and my mindset about life has drastically changed. I believe that religion externalizes God when in actuality the spirit of God is internal. I’ve started meditating at least 1-2 times a day and reading more books on spiritual growth. Life can get so overwhelming and meditating helps me to block out the physical world and focus more on my spiritual self. In essence we are all spirits anyway so why neglect the biggest part of who we are.

There is no doubt in my mind that there is a God. I know God is real when I look up in the sky and see the clouds and stars, and when I look at the beauty of nature. I believe that there are different paths to finding God and we have to find the route that works best for us.

“I believe with the proper understanding and application to our lives spirituality is a good thing! Religion as an institution is the evil that takes from humanity as opposed to serving our needs and interests. All religions come from the same people or “race”, our issue is to take them back, put them in proper context and use them to our benefit and not control or manipulate.” ~~EW~~

Photo Credit: MadameNoire