Love Yourz will probably forever remain one of my favorite J. Cole tracks. The song spoke to my soul in so many ways because the lyrics were so relatable. I think all of us at some point have compared our lives and situations to other people and it made us salty or bitter about our own situation. The truth of the matter is that when we see other people’s lives, it’s usually an illusion. We don’t see the full picture and we don’t know what their reality is like.
Even though the song focuses on loving your situation despite it not really being the best, it also opened my eyes to how I wasn’t loving myself. Around the time Cole released 2014 Forest Hills Drive, I was in the beginning phase of my “natural hair journey.” I didn’t realize that changing my hair would become something deeper and more personal. It became a journey about self discovery, self love and change.
Continue reading here.
Single And Unbothered
People ask me why am I single all the time. My response to people concerned with my relationship status is that I’m single by choice and I’m content with it. Society makes women feel like we have to be married by the age of 25 or a mother before we are 30 because our “biological clocks” are ticking! I think this is why divorce rates are so high. People are rushing to get married without really getting to know the other person because they feel like they have a timeline. Continue reading.
Elevating The Culture
With all the turmoil going on in today’s society it’s easy to find yourself feeling overwhelmed or depressed. Lately I’ve been asking myself what am I doing to make a positive impact in society especially within my culture. Continue reading.
Salted Wounds, Scars & Tattoos
Author and spoken word artist Sherelle Kitchen talks about her new book “Salted Wounds, Scars, and Tattoos- (Bleeding From The Inside Out)”. In this thought provoking interview Sherelle shares her story of living with Bipolar II disorder and discusses the stigma attached to mental illness. Watch the interview here.
What Will Your Legacy Be?
Most people only aspire to get married, have kids and to obtain a decent paying career. That’s what I thought my purpose in life was supposed to be but as I get older I realize that life is so much bigger than the physical possessions that we acquire while on earth. I’m not downing anyone who values those things but I believe life is so much bigger than that. Life is about how you impact other people and what you will leave behind to make society a better place after you’re gone. Continue reading.
Teach Me How To Love
I saw the movie Fences when it was released on Christmas day and I thought it was a great film overall. The movie included several heavy, emotional dialogues between characters. One of the scenes from the film that really resonated with me is the scene when Denzel Washington’s character Troy is talking to his son Corey about not liking him. In the scene Corey asked his dad, “Why don’t you like me?” Troy responds by naming all of the things that he does for Corey like providing him with food, a place to live, and clothes to wear. This scene made me think about how many African American men don’t know how to show affection to their sons. Continue reading.
Where Do We Go From Here
For most people the reality that Donald Trump will soon be our new commander-in-chief is slowly starting to sink in. Seriously….. a man who has been blatantly disrespectful to women and who has made very ignorant and disrespectful comments about minorities, veterans and people with disabilities will soon become the next president of our country! So now that the election is over and done with where do we go from here? Continue reading.
I Forgot To Live In The Moment
Life shifts so quickly from one moment to the next and at times even though we may be present in the moment, we may not be living in the moment. Social media doesn’t help with this because we are so busy trying to capture our life through photos or videos that we are actually robbed of really enjoying that time. Continue reading.
Thanks to social media my time-lines are flooded with selfies of engagements, happy couples, weddings and cute kids on a regular basis. See most women my age are married with multiple kids trying to find a balance between being a mom and a wife. They are juggling the responsibilities and challenges that come with having those two roles along with the many other roles that life brings. My life as it pertains to only me right now is for the most part pretty simple and I like it! I have nothing close to a potential spouse in my life and the thought of having a baby right now is the furthest thing from my mind. Being from the south and living in the good ole Bible belt where tradition is the norm, many people especially older adults are shocked by my carefree attitude towards being single and childless.
Continue reading here.
It’s Beauty In The Struggle
Two years ago I wrote a blog post called “Pursuit of Happiness” regarding my decision to quit my decent salary paying job with benefits to set out on a journey to find my purpose in life. I didn’t expect my journey to be easy but I also didn’t expect the struggle to be so real. Initially when I left my job I didn’t have a plan in place; I just left on a limb. Shortly after I found myself living in South Carolina with my older brother working at a call center barely making enough to pay my bills. Continue reading.
Meet The Double Scoop
Get to know more about Ashley E. and Amy Nicole of The Double Scoop by checking out the Vlog .
It’s Okay To Be Selfish
I’ve been told by my family that I can be selfish at times. I admit sometimes I look out for my own interest before I consider those of others but that is something I’m definitely trying to improve on. But I wonder is being selfish always a bad thing? I believe when it comes down to your mental well-being, happiness, and health that it’s perfectly okay to be selfish. I used to be this person who cared so much about what other people thought about me and I would work so hard to please everyone. It got to the point where I was putting my own happiness to the back-burner. As you get older you realize that pleasing everyone is impossible. Continue reading.
Have you ever questioned your religion or faith? There are so many religions in the world so how do you know for sure your religion is true. Is religion a form of false hope or control? Does it do more harm than good? Today many people under the age of 40 are separating from traditional religion and are leaning more towards spirituality for guidance in life. This is happening on a mass level now which some people are referring to as a “global awakening.” I reached out to adults under the age of 40 to get their input on the topic of religion and included their feedback in this post. Continue reading.
No Kid Zone
Believe it or not marriage and kids are not top priorities for most millennial women these days. When I tell my mom that I don’t think I want children she gives me this look of horror like I said I wanted to kill someone. I believe some women are born to be mothers and some women are not. I remember being at church one day and hearing a preacher say it was every woman’s responsibility to have children. While listening to the pastor’s words I thought to myself what if a person doesn’t have the desire for children? Continue reading.
The Coldest Winter Ever: My Battle With Depression
Winter was always one of my favorite seasons until last year. Last winter things had gotten so bad for me that I found myself sitting in front of a therapist hoping she could help me put my life back together. I had been dealing with depression on and off for the past 2 years but it was starting to take a heavy toll on me and prayers and pep talks with friends weren’t helping me cope anymore. In those two years I experienced a failed relationship, the news of an unexpected health problem, losing my job, and moving to a new unfamiliar state without a plan. A few months into my move I found myself broke, behind on bills and on the verge of having my car repossessed. Continue reading.
What’s Love Got To Do With It
Who wants that perfect love story anyway?………………………… I think most people want to find love whether they want to admit it or not. We want to find our better half, a companion, someone to experience the highs and lows of life with, and someone that will add more happiness to our lives. But what exactly is love? Is love a feeling, a choice, or an action? Is it a combination of the three? How much does love play a part in making a relationship or marriage last? Love is just a four letter word but it has so much depth. Continue reading.
What College Didn’t Teach Me
Remember when your parents told you that going to college was the key to a successful career and life? Well today that advice certainly doesn’t apply to many millennials. According to research many millennials over the age of 25 with a college degree are burdened with student loan debt and working jobs that don’t even require a degree. A few months ago I went out to eat with some of my friends and we were all talking about the benefits of going to college. All of my friends are college grads and most of us, including myself have two degrees. We often complain about how much student loan debt we have and how much life would be easier if we didn’t even go to college. Continue reading.
Incidents in Missouri Mirror Civil Rights Era
Several black students walk hand and hand amongst a crowd of white parade goers at the homecoming parade for the University of Missouri. They each step out of line one by one speaking into a megaphone to the now former university president Tim Wolfe about the incidents of racism and discrimination that they have encountered while attending the school. The students are a part of the organization Concerned Student 1950, which was named after the year the first African American graduate student was admitted to the university. If you were reading about this situation in a book you would think that the time period was during the civil rights era not in the year 2015. Continue reading.
The Dating Game
We have all heard the saying “don’t put all your eggs in one basket” and I believe this same phrase should be applied to the number of dating partners that a person should have. Now before you give me the “side eye” I’m not saying that you should have sex with everyone that you date but I do think that it is okay to casually date several people at one time. Continue reading.
I think growing up most girls fantasize about their perfect wedding day. I can remember being in elementary school and discussing with my friends what color my bridesmaids dresses were going to be and how I would wear my hair on my special day. Now that I’m at the age where most of my peers are starting to get married or are already married I question if marriage is something that I really even want or am capable of. Divorce rates seem to be on the rise and the idea of living happily ever after seems to just be an unrealistic fantasy. Continue reading.
You Don’t Know My Name
I was feeling a little nostalgic the other day so I started listening to music and watching some of my favorite videos from a few years ago. Alicia Keys “You Don’t Know My Name” was one of the videos that came across my playlist. Now that I’m older I can appreciate the story-line in the video more than when I watched it for the first time. While I was reminiscing watching the video it made me think about how almost extinct phone conversations have become. I can barely remember what it feels like to get excited when someone you’re feeling hits you up and ya’ll talk for hours. We are definitely living in the social media era so instead of communicating verbally most of us communicate through texting, Facebook, Instagram, twitter, Snapchat and the list goes on. Continue reading.
I recently moved to Charlotte, North Carolina where I don’t know anyone so I decided to join Tinder. Tinder is known as a hook up site so I definitely wasn’t looking to fall in love; I joined more so to meet new people that could help me get acclimated to the city and to have a little fun. Well if you’re not familiar with Tinder it’s a dating app mostly used by young professionals in their 20s and early 30s. To use the app you set up a profile and tailor your dating search criteria by selecting your age range and location preference. After you set your preferences you can start seeing dating potentials. If you’re interested in a person you swipe to the right and if you’re not interested you swipe left. Read more about my experience here.
Last week was very tough for many people especially for people of color. Alton Sterling and Philando Castile were added to the rapidly growing list of black men killed at the hands of police officers. A few days after both men were killed five police officers were murdered in retaliation for their deaths. It’s so hard to believe that incidents like these are actually happening in 2016. Sometimes I can’t bear to watch the news because it seems like there is always something tragic going on in the world. Continue reading.
It’s Beauty In The Struggle
Two years ago I wrote a blog post called “Pursuit of Happiness” regarding my decision to quit my decent salary paying job with benefits to set out on a journey to find my purpose in life. I didn’t expect my journey to be easy but I also didn’t expect the struggle to be so real. Initially when I left my job I didn’t have a plan in place; I just left on a limb. Shortly after I found myself living in South Carolina with my brother working at a call center barely making enough to pay my bills. Continue reading.
Should Women Pursue Men?
If you’re a single female I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Let The Man Do The Chasing!” For many years I believed this to be true and thought that it was the man’s responsibility to pursue a woman, now my view point on approaching men has changed for many reasons. One reason in particular is that women out number men, which means that men have plenty more options when it comes to choosing a partner. Ladies you could possibly be a great catch, you can have a great job, good credit, be very attractive and educated but for each one of you there are 20 more women just like you for each single man. Continue reading.
Is There A Shortage Of Good Black Men?
It’s a never ending conversation when it comes to a woman not being able to find a good man; more specifically a black woman trying to find a good black man. Based on the statistics that are constantly being forced down our throats, most black men are incarcerated, homosexual, not interested in black women, or just not worth dating. Not to mention the single fact alone that women outnumber men. From talking to several single black women it seems that when you wean out the men that don’t fall into those above categories, most of the good ones are already taken and the ones remaining worth dating are slim to none. Continue reading.
Last year after Mike Brown was killed by a white police officer, I remember watching the riots on television and thinking once again “us” black people are making ourselves look ignorant. I just didn’t understand how rioting was going to solve the problem. I’m usually hesitant about posting my thoughts on Facebook but I decided to vent my frustrations on the issue that day. A few people agreed with my sentiments but one person in particular responded to my status by saying I was being ignorant for ignoring a hurting people. I was annoyed by her comment but I shrugged it off and thought to myself to each his own. Continue reading.
“Instinct leads me to another flow
Everytime I hear a brother call a girl a bitch or a hoe
Trying to make a sister feel low
You know all of that gots to go”
These are lyrics from Queen Latifah’s 1994 single “U.N.I.T.Y” which spoke out against the disrespect of women in society. Back in the early 90’s and prior decades calling a woman a bitch was an ultimate form of disrespect. Today, for some people the word bitch has turned into a term of empowerment more so among African American women. Continue reading.
Is The Tassel Worth The Hassle?
After I graduated from high school I wasn’t given the option of not going to college. My parents told me that earning a college degree was a necessity in order for me to have a successful future. Now after finishing college and grad school I beg to differ. I believe that a college degree does make a person more competitive in the job market but when you end up graduating with more student loan debt than you make as an annual salary, a college degree isn’t all that helpful. Continue reading.
When I tell guys that I’m abstinent the most common response that I receive is, “How do you do it!?” No, I’m not a virgin but believe it or not sex is something that I really don’t have a strong desire for. To be quite honest a large part of it is due to the fact that I’ve never just had great sex! When I talk to other women about my lack of good sex they look at me in pity. The most common response that I receive is, “Girl I feel so bad for you! I love sex!” Men on the other hand take my predicament as a challenge in hopes of being the guy that will make me change my mind. Continue reading.
Not Settling Or Being Too Picky?
I’ve been told two scenarios when it comes to being in a relationship and getting married. One scenario is that dating and marriage aren’t about love but about what you can deal with in another person. The other is that marriage is too hard to just settle because you have to really love someone to be able to put up with his/her flaws. I haven’t been in a relationship in a while but I do date, and I’ve been told by some people that the reason I’m still single is probably because I’m too picky. Don’t get me wrong I do want a nice guy but if I’m going to commit to a person I want it to be with someone who I really like and who excites me. Keep reading here.
THE DARK SKIN VS LIGHT SKIN DILEMMA
I attempted to watch Dark Girls a while back but after ten minutes of listening to women in tears talking about how they hated their dark skin and wanted to bathe in bleach to lighten their skin tone, I just couldn’t get into it. Maybe it was because I couldn’t relate to what the women were talking about. I’ve been referred to by some people as light skinned and I have also been referred to by some as dark skinned. When I look in the mirror I see a brown skinned woman and I like my complexion. I can’t recall a time when I desired to have lighter or darker skin. My mom has a very light complexion and my dad has a brown complexion but growing up we never discussed skin tone and I never questioned why my mom’s complexion was so much lighter than ours. Continue reading.
IS CHEATING INEVITABLE?
When most people think about what it means to cheat in a relationship, they automatically think about having sex with another person outside of their relationship. But cheating is so much more than just sex. Have you ever made a strong connection with another person outside of the relationship with your significant other? What if the connection became so strong that it got to a point where you thought about the other person frequently and started to develop feelings? A lot of people say they have control over how far they will allow a situation to go, but eventually after spending so much time with another person that you are attracted to and have a connection, emotions tend to get involved. Continue reading.
WORKING 9-5 JUST TO STAY ALIVE
I can’t count how many times I’ve seen comments and memes from people flooding my social media pages, expressing how much they hate their jobs and how they can’t wait for the weekend. I’ve posted a few memes myself regarding my frustration about working a job that I hate because bills have to get paid. I had a conversation with my sister about how the thought of going to school for so many years just to prepare to work for someone for the rest of your life is depressing. I do realize that in order for the average person to sustain a lifestyle, that person has to work to earn an income. We have bills to pay, food and clothes to buy, families to support, and with whatever is leftover we want to try to somewhat enjoy life within the madness. Continue reading here.
HIS PAST AIN’T PRETTY
When it comes to starting new romantic relationships, most of us have some baggage or skeletons in the closet from previous relationships that we are carrying with us into the new relationship. I mean at some point we’re all going to be someone’s leftovers unless you are one of the lucky ones who fall in love and stay with the first person you are seriously dating. About 2 months ago I was watching an episode of Shonda Rhimes’ new hit show How to get away with Murder and it focused on an interesting topic. Law student, Michaela Pratt discovered that her fiancé Aiden had sex with one of her classmates when he was in high school. You might think, ok that was years ago and everyone has a past, BUT the tea is that her classmate is a man. That changes the situation completely. Keep reading here.