sex – The Double Scoop

What do you get when you combine a room full of men and women with music, delicious desserts, alcohol, and engaging conversations about relationships, sex and dating? You get the event Dessert and Discussion curated by Alex Merritt. Dessert and Discussion is a relationship discussion tour that has been hitting different cities over the past several months. The purpose of the tour is to get men and women talking about relationships so they can learn different perspectives from the opposite sex.

I was invited to be a featured blogger for the tour stop in Charlotte and I definitely enjoyed myself! The event was held at Red@28^th Hookah Lounge. The guests were seated in a small, private area in the back of the lounge which made the setting more intimate. Before the discussion began guests were entertained by DJ Strategy and were treated to plenty of tasty desserts and drinks. The crowd was grown and sexy; I would estimate that most of the people in attendance were in their late 20s to early 40s which was a good age range to get various perspectives from both sexes.

The conversation began with everyone going around the room and introducing themselves. Alex requested that everyone create a hashtag that described their dating life which made the mood more relaxed and fun. My hashtag was #DatingAndHavingFun. The variation in hashtag names pretty much led into the relationship discussion because of course you would want to know why people selected certain names. Some of the hashtags varied from #SingleForLife to #AllTheGoodOnesAreGone. It was too funny.

Some of the topics that were discussed included: how do you know when a person wants to get exclusive, sex on the first date, and having multiple dating partners. Men and women passed the microphone back and forth giving their input on each topic. I get shy in big groups of people so I pretty much just observed and listened to the conversations. It was very interesting to hear how men and women perspectives differed on certain topics. The conversation went on for about an hour ½ and afterwards the DJ took over so that everyone could mingle.

image1 (1) — Me with fellow blogger Brittany with The Buzz With B.

After the event was over I caught up with Alex for a brief interview to get more details about how she came up with the idea for the tour.

dd5 — Me with the lovely host and event creator Alex Merritt.

Amy Nicole: So you’ve been doing Dessert and Discussion for about 7 years now. How did you come up with the idea for it?

Alex: Literally I wanted to get people over my house to discuss a DVD and I didn’t want to cook! I wanted to get men and women’s opinion about this DVD that I had watched and I wanted to know if men saw women the way that this video portrayed us.

Amy Nicole: What was the DVD about?

Alex: The DVD was called “Diary Of A Tired Black Man” which was about a black man’s struggle in the dating game. I had just moved to California and I expected it to be like a one hour thing but it ended up lasting to 1:00 in the morning. After it was over I would run into people in the street and they would ask me when the next one was.

Amy Nicole: How many cities have you toured so far?

Alex: We have been in Chicago, St. Louis, Minneapolis, we’re here in Charlotte now, and then we’re back to Sacramento where it all started. This has been going on for the past six months and in the fall when it’s time to relaunch again we plan to do another six months. Everybody needs this because most of us haven’t been taught how to do relationships. Most of our family examples weren’t even good models. This is a way to learn and get feedback.

Amy Nicole: Well I definitely learned a lot from the men tonight! How has the response been in other cities?

Alex: It has been great. Everyone is looking for a place to get their questions asked about love, sex and relationships.

Amy Nicole: So how can people get in contact with you for booking?

Alex: Dessertanddisccusion.com and alex@dessertanddiscussion.com

It was great meeting Alex; she was such a fun and vibrant host! I really enjoyed myself at Dessert and Discussion and I would definitely encourage anyone looking for relationship advice and a good time to check out the tour if it comes through your city!

When I tell guys that I’m abstinent the most common response that I receive is, “How do you do it!?” No, I’m not a virgin but believe it or not sex is something that I really don’t have a strong desire for. To be quite honest a large part of it is due to the fact that I’ve never just had great sex! When I talk to other women about my lack of good sex they look at me in pity. The most common response that I receive is, “Girl I feel so bad for you! I love sex!” Men on the other hand take my predicament as a challenge in hopes of being the guy that will make me change my mind.

I’ve gone months, even years without having sex and when I finally give in to the temptation the experience just isn’t worth it and the moment isn’t very memorable. One issue that I might be having is that most of my sexual experiences have been more on the casual side. Not that I’m going around having one night stands, but I haven’t been in a relationship in a while so most of the guys that I end up having sex with are just guys that I’m randomly dating. The older that I get I’m definitely realizing that I’m not a casual sex type of person. I know most guys can have sex with a woman and forget about her the next day, but with me I feel like if I’m having sex with you I’m giving you a part of me and that’s not something I want to share so freely.

I spoke with a lot of guys regarding the subject of sex and the consensus of most men under the age of 40 is that sex is definitely a deal breaker in a relationship. When I asked guys if they would date a female who was choosing to be abstinent most either said no or that they would date her but would definitely be getting sex from someone else on the side.

When I asked women how important sex is in a relationship most of them said it was important but that they were willing to compromise having great sex in exchange for a great guy with a good personality. Most women who are in a good relationship said that they have faked having an orgasm to stroke their man’s ego.

I’m not saying that I’m going to wait until I get married to have sex again but I do want to have a deep connection with the next person. Some people might call it old fashioned but to me it simplifies things so much. Sex in a way complicates relationships because it makes you feel like you are so attached to this person but in reality you are really not. From a biblical perspective when you have sex with someone it causes a soul tie which makes it hard to break away from them. A perfect example of this are couples who fight all the time but they stay together because the sex is good.

My advice to any single person practicing abstinence is to set your boundaries. If you tell a person you’re abstinent and they still try to pursue you sexually you should cut that relationship off immediately because they obviously don’t respect you. You can tell when a person is genuinely interested in you because they will actually take the time to get to know you without rushing things. Also don’t let people intimidate you. I’ve been told by other women that the right man may not wait around for me but I believe if a person is right for you, you won’t have to compromise your morals or standards to be with them.

Photo Credit: HuffPost

Tag: sex

Dessert and discussion

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