I think growing up most girls fantasize about their perfect wedding day. I can remember being in elementary school and discussing with my friends what color my bridesmaids dresses were going to be and how I would wear my hair on my special day. Now that I’m at the age where most of my peers are starting to get married or are already married I question if marriage is something that I really even want or am capable of.
Divorce rates seem to be on the rise and the idea of living happily ever after seems to just be an unrealistic fantasy. Now I do know some couples who are making marriage work and who seem to be happily married but there are many others who just couldn’t make their relationships last. When I talk to people who are married most of them say “make sure you’re ready!” or “please don’t rush!” Many married couples that I’ve encountered talk about how much work it is going to be. The hard work part scares me because usually when I have dated guys in the past I will cut them off with a quickness if they did something that I didn’t like or if they started to annoy me. Even my mom who has been married to my dad for over 30 years has told me that she and my dad aren’t in love anymore and that the best part of the marriage was raising me and my siblings. That type of relationship doesn’t appeal to me. I know marriage is going to have its ups and downs but if I’m going to be committed to someone for the rest of my life then I want to be happy at the least. I think another myth about marriage is that marriage equates to happiness. I’ve met some people who have said that their life was much better before starting a family.
What most people don’t realize about marriage is that it’s supposed to be a lifetime commitment. I come from a get rich quick generation where most people my age don’t want to put in the time and effort to make relationships last. Is it realistic to believe that you can stay committed to just one person for your entire life? I personally like to be to myself a lot of times so the thought of another person invading my personal space every second of the day gives me anxiety.
I guess the biggest question regarding marriage is, what is your reason for wanting to get married? I grew up in a Christian household so I was taught that marriage was the right thing to do for adults who wanted to start a family. Now that I’m questioning if I even want to get married let alone have kids what is my alternative? Being alone forever? LOL maybe I can have an Oprah and Stedman type of relationship and have a long term partnership; you’re there for me when I need you but at the end of the day we can go our separate ways without the contract agreement. But even that type of relationship after a while would get old. Who really wants to be in their senior years still playing the dating field.
So will I get married? Only time will tell, but I’m definitely not one of those women who make marriage and kids their top priority. I think if a person decides that they want to get married they need to make sure they can truly commit to someone during the good times and the bad. On the other hand I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people who decide not to get married. Marriage isn’t for everyone and it’s probably one of the hardest jobs that most people will ever have in their lives. It should be a personal preference whether or not you want to take on that type of commitment.
Photo Credit: Black Enterprise
This article was also featured on Confessions of an Ambitious Girl Blog.