lifestyle – Page 3 – The Double Scoop

INSTITUTIONALIZED

Author: Amy Nicole

Last year after Mike Brown was killed by a white police officer, I remember watching the riots on television and thinking once again “us” black people are making ourselves look ignorant. I just didn’t understand how rioting was going to solve the problem. I’m usually hesitant about posting my thoughts on Facebook but I decided to vent my frustrations on the issue that day. A few people agreed with my sentiments but one person in particular responded to my status by saying I was being ignorant for ignoring a hurting people. I was annoyed by her comment but I shrugged it off and thought to myself to each his own. Continue reading “INSTITUTIONALIZED”

BAD BITCH

Author: Amy Nicole

“Instinct leads me to another flow
Everytime I hear a brother call a girl a bitch or a hoe
Trying to make a sister feel low
You know all of that gots to go”

These are lyrics from Queen Latifah’s 1994 single “U.N.I.T.Y” which spoke out against the disrespect of women in society. Back in the early 90’s and prior decades calling a woman a bitch was an ultimate form of disrespect. Today, for some people the word bitch has turned into a term of empowerment more so among African American women. Continue reading “BAD BITCH”

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Author: Ashley E.

Who wants that perfect love story anyway?………………………… I think most people whether they want to admit it or not long to experience love with another person. We want to find our better half, a companion, someone to experience the highs and lows of life with, and someone that will bring us more happiness. But what exactly is love? Is love a feeling, a choice, or an action? Is it a combination of the three? How much does love play a part in making a relationship or marriage last? Love is just a four letter word but it has so much depth. I reached out to several men and women to get their opinions on love. Some were married, single, in relationships, divorced and remarried so they all offered diverse and interesting perspectives.

I had a conversation with a coworker a few months ago about what it meant to love another person and he told me the only woman he truly loved was his ex-girlfriend. I asked him why he loved her and he started listing things that she did for him like cooking, cleaning, giving him massages and bathing him. Oh and mind you, her English was limited so she barely communicated; he did the majority of the talking in the relationship. I couldn’t help but laugh and question whether he actually loved her or did he love what she was doing for him. The men that I cared about the most in my life were the ones that did the least for me in terms of giving me material things. I was more drawn to personality, the connection, communication, and how they made me feel or what they brought out of me. The majority of the people I interviewed agreed that what a person did for them was only a small measure of why they loved someone. They agreed that what a person did was more of an expression of their love and a way to show they cared. I guess you have to ask yourself if a person stopped doing certain “tangible” things would the love remain.

“I think the things you do is more so the expression of love. I don’t think you can rely only on what someone does for you to tell if they love you though. But it’s a good way to show you care.” ~JD

I think most people including myself think or at one point thought of love and marriage as having butterflies, passion, and being on an endless high. For some people love might be those things, but how long will that sustain a marriage or a relationship? What happens when that wears off? What happens when the relationship hits a roadblock? I remember having a conversation with a friend about not having passion in a relationship. We were both talking about the men we were dating at the time and I told her I wasn’t crazy about the guy that I was dating. I complained about how he annoyed me the majority of the time, how we didn’t have a deep connection or strong communication but on the contrary he was a good person and he treated me right. She told me in the past she based choosing a potential man off of those same factors but found that most of the men she felt “passionate” about were not right for her or didn’t feel the same way about her. My relationship ended a few months later and the guy she was dating at that time ended up proposing a week after our conversation. That was the first time I questioned if my idea of love was unrealistic.

“In dating people put too much emphasis on how someone makes them feel and generally the good long term relationships aren’t based on how someone makes you feel because feelings change daily or even minute by minute.” ~DG

“Butterflies in your stomach ain’t go pay the bills. Yea it’s cute in the beginning but it’s not sustaining. I wouldn’t say I tolerate my husband’s flaws… I don’t really see his flaws because what one may consider his flaws is what I love about him. Diamonds have flaws but they are still beautiful.” ~AS

I think many people imagine a special person walking into their life who will complement their personality so well that they will be perfect together. The truth of the matter is that love sometimes doesn’t happen instantly; it tends to develop over time. Everyone you meet is going to have flaws but being able to accept or look past a person’s flaws and love them despite is the key. In my mind the perfect guy for me would be a combination of Lance Gross, Morris Chestnut, Idris Elba, Hill Harper, Michael Ealy, Malcom X, Don Cheadle, Jamie Foxx, Big Krit, Denzel Washington and the list goes on. I’m fully aware that I will not meet a man that will have every single quality that I desire, and I know I won’t have every quality that some men might desire. I don’t think anyone should settle when it comes to love but at the same time you need to have realistic expectations. Television tends to glamorize love, marriage, and relationships without acknowledging the hard work that goes on behind the scenes to make it work. From the feedback I received from the married individuals I learned that your heart isn’t going to skip a beat every time you see that other person and you can’t let how you feel define the relationship because feelings change constantly.

“Having been married before, I would say that no one should expect perfection. Marriage is about a relationship, respect, responsibility, and ultimately building a life with someone. The person you will marry will not be perfect, but you also need to accept that you’re not going to be perfect either. Accept that both of you will have flaws but that’s why communication is so important in a relationship as well” ~DR

My parents have been married over 30 years and I know without a doubt love is not what kept them together all of these years. They are two people that chose to stay committed to one another throughout the ups and downs of their relationship. I do want to get married one day but at the same time I fear marriage. I fear not being a good wife, I fear falling out of love, I fear not knowing how to be fully committed to another person, I fear losing myself in another person, and I fear the marriage failing. Love is a gamble and relationships and marriage require 2 committed people to make it work. I think people get excited about the idea of marriage not fully comprehending how much goes into making a marriage work. I learned from the people I interviewed that love alone is not enough to make a relationship last. It takes sacrifice, commitment, compromise, and being unselfish.

“Marriage is a business. Has to be based off love but it’s a real deal commitment and a lot of people underestimate it.“ ~EW

“If you can still love someone despite their flaws & that love is reciprocated despite your flaws your well on your way to a long term relationship and possibly marriage. If your only basing the relationship on love alone, you may be in for a setback. Respect, loyalty, honesty & more should also be attributes to a relationship or marriage” ~RH

“It’s about balance. No one is perfect. I say that with respect to having flaws. It’s about being complementary. We are people, not robots. No one is exactly alike, so really a flaw isn’t necessarily a flaw. It’s just a way of how someone may identify themselves.” ~UO

This article was also featured in Inspire Magazine and on Confessions of An Ambitious Girl

Is The Tassel Worth The Hassle

Author: Amy Nicole

After I graduated from high school I wasn’t given the option of not going to college. My parents told me that earning a college degree was a necessity in order for me to have a successful future. Now after finishing college and grad school I beg to differ. I believe that a college degree does make a person more competitive in the job market but when you end up graduating with more student loan debt than you make as an annual salary, a college degree isn’t all that helpful.

With a slow economy and a lack of jobs many young adults are starting to ask themselves is a college degree really worth obtaining. Like I always do when getting feedback for my blog topics I hit up some of my friends on social media and got their opinions on the issue. I asked the question “Was getting a college degree worth the time and money?” and these are a few of the responses that I received.

I do believe my degree in broadcast helped me get my foot in the door, but once I got in it was all about learning to do things their way. Very little of what I learned in college translated to my job now. As for whether or not it was worth it…I can honestly say I like my job, but I do have loans out the ass that I will be paying back forever. I made the conscious decision in college to do something I would enjoy rather than something that made a lot of money…so mission accomplished I guess. But there are people working in TV without degrees that are doing just fine, so I do wonder was it even necessary.

“If I only knew then, what I know now. I am too glad that I have a degree, not even for a job, but for me. Although it has not been a job gainer, it has been a job keeper. Having worked a little in HR, I know that I sought others who were educated because it meant that they could be dedicated. It is not truly about the degree I feel though; it is about what and who you seek. Success is a journey and trust that I know people with degrees, who are just as well off as if they never went to college. So I say, get a degree ‘cause it can never hurt, but take the journey, complete the cycle; it only just begins after graduation. “

“At a young age, I noticed there’s a bias against hiring black men whether they had the proper qualifications or not. So I knew in order to have a decent chance of living a life of financial stability, I had to start and build my own business. Before starting my business, I was working in retail. There are very few black male managers in the industry but the ones that did make it up the ranks and make a good salary, they’re working on their feet every weekend, every holiday, and over fifty hours a week. That life seemed like a dead end to me. I had nothing to lose, so I took a chance. I only have a high school diploma, and I have independently published three books, started a photography business, and a magazine which I’ve had successfully for three years.”

One day I was looking at videos on YouTube and I came across a spoken word poet named Suli Breaks. I watched a video of him performing a poem called “Why I Hate School But Love Education” and it profoundly changed my views on the importance of higher education. One line from the poem that really stood out to me was this, “If you don’t build your dreams someone else will hire you to help build theirs.” This statement really stuck in my head; I thought to myself why invest so much time and money in school and still end up working for someone else at a job that you really don’t even enjoy that much.

I’m currently in the process of starting my own business because I want my independence from corporate America, and because I want to get out of debt. My goal in the next few years is to become financially stable and until that happens marriage, kids, and buying a home will definitely have to take a backseat in my life. I believe being college educated has provided me with the tools to become a successful business owner, but on the other hand I could have easily started a business without even having a degree. I know plenty of people who have done just that.

So back to the question at hand, Is the Tassel Worth the Hassle? I guess that depends on the person, the situation, and what a person wants out of life. A college education can provide a person with valuable information that can definitely help him/her to become successful in life, but on the other hand a person can become just as successful without going to college. I’m not trying to tell people don’t go to college but rather to explore other options to success before investing so much time and money into an institution that really won’t guarantee a job or a decent paying salary after graduating.

This article was also featured in Inspire Magazine.

SEXLESS

When I tell guys that I’m abstinent the most common response that I receive is, “How do you do it!?”

No, I’m not a virgin but believe it or not sex is something that I really don’t have a strong desire for. To be quite honest a large part of it is due to the fact that I’ve never just had great sex! When I talk to other women about my lack of good sex they look at me in pity. The most common response that I receive is, “Girl I feel so bad for you! I love sex!” Men on the other hand take my predicament as a challenge in hopes of being the guy that will make me change my mind.

I’ve gone months, even years without having sex and when I finally give in to the temptation the experience just isn’t worth it and the moment isn’t very memorable. One issue that I might be having is that most of my sexual experiences have been more on the casual side. Not that I’m going around having one night stands but I haven’t been in a relationship in a while so most of the guys that I end up having sex with are just guys that I’m randomly dating. The older that I get I’m definitely realizing that I’m not a casual sex type of person. I know most guys can have sex with a woman and forget about her the next day, but with me I feel like if I’m having sex with you I’m giving you a part of me, and that’s not something I want to share so freely.

I spoke with a lot of guys regarding the subject of sex and the consensus of most men under the age of 40 is that sex is definitely a deal breaker in a relationship. When I asked guys if they would date a female who was choosing to be abstinent most either said no or that they would date her but would definitely be getting sex from someone else on the side.

When I asked women how important sex is in a relationship most of them said it was important but that they were willing to compromise having great sex in exchange for a great guy with a good personality. Most women who are in a good relationship, said that they have faked having an orgasm to stroke their man’s ego.

I’m not saying that I’m going to wait until I get married to have sex again but I do want to have a deep connection with the next person. Some people might call it old fashioned but to me it simplifies things so much. Sex in a way complicates relationships because it makes you feel like you are so attached to this person but in reality you are really not. From a biblical perspective when you have sex with someone it causes a soul tie which makes it hard to break away from them. A perfect example of this are couples who fight all the time but they stay together because the sex is good.

My advice to any single person practicing abstinence is to set your boundaries. If you tell a person you’re abstinent and they still try to pursue you sexually you should cut that relationship off immediately because they obviously don’t respect you. You can tell when a person is genuinely interested in you because they will actually take the time to get to know you without rushing things. Also don’t let people intimidate you. I’ve been told by other women that the right man may not wait around for me but I believe if a person is right for you, you won’t have to compromise your morals or standards to be with them.

NO KID ZONE

Author: Amy Nicole

It’s hilarious to me when I ask guys how many children they want to have and they start blurting out numbers like 4,5, and 6 like they are the ones who have to carry the child for 9 months! I’m at the age where women are starting to get married and have kids, but my desire for children just seems non-existent. I’ve been told that when I meet the right guy my feelings will change, but I’m not sure that they will. I have never really been maternal and sometimes I even get awkward around kids, especially around a group of them. A big part of me has this fear that I won’t be a good parent. Parents have such a big influence on their child’s life and I would hate to screw up my child’s head due to bad parenting. When I tell my mom that I don’t think I want children she gives me this look of horror like I said I wanted to kill someone. Sure I gush over an adorable baby when I see one but I realize that the child will not always remain a baby. I believe some women are born to be mothers and some women are not. I remember being at church one day and hearing a preacher say it was every woman’s responsibility to have children. I was thinking to myself what if you don’t have the desire for children. I mean just like some people don’t like vegetables some people don’t like kids

There are a lot of women I work with who are younger than me and they already have more than one child. One of the most offensive questions that I get asked is, “When are you going to have kids? You better hurry up before you turn 30!” What irks me the most is that most of the women who harass childless women about not having kids are the ones who aren’t even married but have two or three kids by different men. I think this logic that you should have kids while you’re young rather than when you’re mentally and financially ready to have them is very ignorant. Having children is not something you should rush because they are a lifetime commitment. I know because my parents still have to help me out financially from time to time. You can’t just give them back when you get tired of them; children are a huge responsibility and they require you to make so many sacrifices. You sacrifice your time, energy, money, careers, and for women your bodies! I’m not ready to sacrifice any of those things right now. Right now I’m single and it’s a struggle for me going to work all day, trying to come home and cook and trying to fit in a workout. The thought of trying to fit kids into that equation just seems overwhelming. I definitely want to get married one day but a fear that I have is what if I meet the guy of my dreams but he wants children and I still don’t have the desire for them. Do I risk losing a husband or do I have children anyway to appease my husband’s needs?

Another predicament that women have who decide to postpone childbearing is that darn biological clock! 35 is supposedly the cut off age if you want to have a healthy child, but what if you’re not ready to have kids by that age. I know women are having children much later now but I don’t want to be in my 40’s raising a young child; I just don’t have the patience.

When I was doing research for this topic I came across an article which listed a few reasons why women shouldn’t have children. Some of those reasons included the following:

You shouldn’t have children unless you can be sure you will love them no matter how they turn out, faults and all. This includes mental or physical disability, if they turn out to be a homicidal maniac or if they don’t do things you understand.

You shouldn’t have children unless you can truly afford them, and have a considerable amount of money stashed away to fund their existence until they are at least 18 years of age. If you want a child so much then you should make it your goal to be able to afford the things they require.

You should not have child for your own gain. Whether it be to keep your marriage together, to have someone to love you, or to have someone to care for you when you are old.

I agree with all of these reasons on why people shouldn’t have children. Growing up I had this idea of what my adult life should look like. Go to college, start the career, get married, and have children. Now that I’m at the point where I need to start thinking about having kids and I don’t think I won’t any, I feel like I’m doing something wrong. Society tells women that they are selfish, or less of a woman if they don’t have children when in fact they are neither. The choice not to have kids is a right that every woman should have and they shouldn’t be scrutinized for their decision. I’m not completely crossing kids off of my to do list because I’m still pretty young and things could change, but if I decide not to have kids I don’t think I will look back later in life and have any regrets.

The Light Skin vs Dark Skin Dilemma

Author: Ashley E.

The documentary Light Girls premiered last month on the OWN network. Light Girls is a follow up to Dark Girls which was released in 2011. Both documentaries focus on the topic of colorism, a type of discrimination or prejudice in which people are treated differently based on the complexion of their skin.

I attempted to watch Dark Girls a while back but after ten minutes of listening to women in tears talking about how they hated their dark skin and wanted to bathe in bleach to lighten their skin tone, I just couldn’t get into it. Maybe it was because I couldn’t relate to what the women were talking about. I’ve been referred to by some people as light skinned and I have also been referred to by some as dark skinned. When I look in the mirror I see a brown skinned woman and I like my complexion. I can’t recall a time when I desired to have lighter or darker skin. My mom has a very light complexion and my dad has a brown complexion but growing up we never discussed skin tone and I never questioned why my mom’s complexion was so much lighter than ours. I think I realized a lot of people had a hierarchy system when it came to skin tone from experiences outside of my home.

I remember an experience I had when I was younger during a family trip to Florida. We went to one of the outlet malls with my mom and I heard one of the white store associates telling her how pretty she was and asked her what was her ethnicity. My mom told her she was black and minutes later my sister and I walked up to my mom and she introduced us to the lady. The lady’s whole demeanor changed and she looked almost shocked that we were her children.

Even though skin tone was never really discussed in our home I do remember not wanting to get any darker than what I already was. When we would take family trips to the beach or if we played outside in the sun for a long time, the first question my siblings and I would ask each other was “Did I get darker?”

I even remember an argument between my twin sister and younger sister years ago about skin tones; my younger sister who was probably no more than 4 years old at the time was convinced that her and my mom were white. (My younger sister also has a lighter complexion like my mom). I remember my younger sister yelling that she and my mom were white and the rest of us were black and dark. The question is that at that young age where did she get that mindset from? Why did my siblings and I not want to get any darker? Where did that thinking come from if it wasn’t discussed in our home?

My mom in her younger days

My mom, younger sister, and me and my twin sister

Light Girls touched on slavery briefly and discussed how colorism is a byproduct of slavery. During that time period many of the slave masters would rape the slave women and some would get pregnant and have mixed children. Even though the children would have lighter complexions and some could pass for white, they would still be considered slaves but just had more privileges than the darker slaves. The lighter slaves would sometimes be referred to as the “house slaves” because they were allowed to work inside versus some of the darker slaves that were only allowed to work in the fields. Many of the mixed slaves weren’t accepted by the darker slaves because they felt they thought they were better. The mixed slaves weren’t accepted by the whites either because they were still viewed as black.

In Light Girls many of the women (mainly celebrities) spoke about their experiences of growing up with a lighter complexion and how they were sometimes bullied by other black women for having a certain hair texture and lighter skin. Some of the women discussed how they were misjudged a lot and referred to as stuck up because of their appearance.

A few men gave their opinions in the documentary as well. One of the guys in the documentary made a comment that rubbed me the wrong way. He said that women with lighter complexions were viewed as trophies regardless of how attractive they were. In his opinion by default a woman with lighter skin looked better on his arm compared to a darker woman because of the image. Another guy in the documentary who was a comedian said darker women were easier to deal with compared to women with lighter complexions. He said a woman with a lighter complexion had more demands and expected better treatment compared to a darker woman who demanded less. I really hope this man was being funny and not serious!

Two comments that irk me the most is hearing a black man say “you’re pretty for a dark girl” and “I’m normally not attracted to darker women.” It just rubs me the wrong way and I’m automatically turned off from a man that utters those words. Why can’t a man just find a woman beautiful or attractive without mentioning her skin tone? I have even held conversations with people that have said they don’t want to have kids with someone with a dark complexion out of fear that their child will come out too dark skinned.

Actress Tatyana Ali made an appearance in the documentary and critics attacked her for not being light skinned enough. She discussed how some people would automatically assume she was mixed because of the length and texture of her hair. I have even been asked if I was mixed before because of the length of my hair; it had nothing to do with my complexion. If a black woman has a feature that is any way associated with European descent, their ethnicity is questioned because for whatever reason it is assumed that a black woman can’t naturally have that particular attribute.

I think it is really sad that after everything blacks had to endure during slavery we turn around and discriminate against each other because of our skin tones. Documentaries like Light Girls and Dark Girls are needed because it is bringing attention to an issue that needs to be discussed more in the black community.

Is Cheating Inevitable?

Author: Ashley E.

When most people think about what it means to cheat in a relationship, they automatically think about having sex with another person outside of their relationship. But cheating is so much more than just sex. Have you ever made a strong connection with another person outside of the relationship with your significant other? What if the connection became so strong that it got to a point where you thought about the other person frequently and started to develop feelings? A lot of people say they have control over how far they will allow a situation to go, but eventually after spending so much time with another person that you are attracted to and have a connection, emotions tend to get involved. Developing a strong emotional relationship with another person is just as much cheating as having a sexual relationship with that person.

Cheating is such a multi-dimensional topic so I decided to call up several of my female and male friends to get their perspectives on cheating. While talking to each of them I noticed that the females cheated more when an emotional connection was lacking and they were more accepting of their men cheating. Most of the men told me they cheated based on the act of sex alone; the opportunity to sleep with a new woman and there didn’t have to be an emotional connection involved. But there was also a double standard because the men were less forgiving if their woman cheated. Men can cheat multiple times, but if they find out their woman has stepped out once, it’s harder for them to handle it. A lot of the guys told me that cheating, or sex, is a phase that men go through until they get it out of their systems. Some told me they cheat because it’s in their nature.

In relationships it comes down to what people will allow. Some women say they know their men are cheating and don’t mind sticking with them throughout that “phase.” Some women say it’s okay for their men to cheat as long as he respects her enough not to let them find out. Some women are just so in love with their men that they accept the cheating even though it hurts them. And the same could go for men who are cheated on by their women.

For the people that feel that cheating isn’t that big of a deal and that it’s bound to happen, keep doing what you’re doing. For those who are hurt that the person they love or care about is constantly cheating, you might want to reevaluate your relationship. Love shouldn’t hurt and if the person knows that the cheating is causing you pain than maybe that person isn’t right for you. Ultimately, being faithful to someone shouldn’t be that difficult in my opinion. Once in the right relationship, not cheating should be simple. Cheating starts with a thought. Unconsciously I think we all cheat, but the difference is whether or not we act on the thought. Next time the thought arises, ask yourself, is cheating worth risking the relationship that you’ve established with this person that you love or care about?

This article was also featured in Inspire Magazine.

Working 9 to 5 Just To Stay Alive

Author: Ashley E.

I can’t count how many times I’ve seen comments and memes from people flooding my social media pages, expressing how much they hate their jobs and how they can’t wait for the weekend. I’ve posted a few memes myself regarding my frustration about working a job that I hate because bills have to get paid. I had a conversation with my sister about how the thought of going to school for so many years just to prepare to work for someone for the rest of your life is depressing. I do realize that in order for the average person to sustain a lifestyle, that person has to work to earn an income. We have bills to pay, food and clothes to buy, families to support, and with whatever is leftover we want to try to somewhat enjoy life within the madness.

I came across an interview that J Cole did with Angie Martinez on Power 105.1 recently and he spoke on the same topic. He said the following about working a job that you hate:

“We all sellouts….. You selling out. You going to something you don’t like. Why? So you can live and survive. To me life don’t feel like it’s supposed to be like that no more. It feel like somebody time gotta be worth more than $8 an hour. You spend your whole day going to work, 8 hours out of your day. A day is only 24 hours, you gonna sleep 8 of those so right away that’s 16 hours. Half of your day is making $8 an hour. Even if you get $15 an hour and they trying to raise minimum wage. A hour of my life is worth $15? Ok but I gotta do it, I gotta work, I gotta eat.”

He also touched on some other heavy issues that most people are afraid to discuss. He referred to capitalism as paid slavery, and he discussed how most people are out for themselves looking to make a profit despite what is being jeopardized in the process. He even went as far as to say the type of food we eat, music we listen to and type of shows we watch are detrimental; however, at the end of the day someone is making money off all of it. He stated:

“That’s what capitalism teaches us. It’s a every man for himself mentality. It’s a I gotta be on top….For me to be on top, I gotta have a bottom. For me to own McDonalds, I gotta have somebody at the bottom working at McDonalds. For me to own any company, any business… Capitalism is like… to me it’s like… I don’t know the alternative; I don’t even know if it exists. I don’t think we’ve evolved to something that exists yet, but capitalism is just paid slavery. It’s the same set up as slavery, only difference was slaves wasn’t getting paid.”

Martinez addressed his taking part in the Ferguson protests, and he opened up on how he feels that we live within a system that wants us to become so preoccupied and distracted with our own lives that we don’t have time to take a stand on anything or have compassion for someone else.

“The people at the top love the fact that everybody is so busy with themselves and their own lives that they don’t have the time to stand for something or to fight for something.”

“It’s graduate college and it’s like now I gotta pay my bills now, I gotta get this deal before my time runs out. Like life happens and you worry about all this stuff and you don’t have the time to fight for nothing no more. You don’t have the time to even care because I got my own kids… yea this man died, but it’s like yo bruh I got bills and twitter is popping right now, and Instagram is hot, and ‘Love and Hip Hop Reunion’ is on. It’s like they love to distract you and like keep you occupied while they just molest the world and milk the world. You know what I mean?”

J Cole said a mouthful. He has been one of my top favorite rappers for a while now; not just because of his music but because of his mindset and intelligence. This interview made me have a new level of respect for him. He was very vocal about certain taboo topics on his latest album 2014 Forest Hills Drive, and he recently gave an emotional and powerful performance on the Dave Letterman Show that even left the host almost speechless.

Check out the interview here.

NOT SETTLING OR BEING TOO PICKY?

Author: Amy Nicole

I’ve been told two scenarios when it comes to being in a relationship and getting married. One scenario is that dating and marriage aren’t about love but about what you can deal with in another person. The other is that marriage is too hard to just settle because you have to really love someone to be able to put up with his/her flaws.

I haven’t been in a relationship in a while but I do date, and I’ve been told by some people that the reason I’m still single is probably because I’m too picky. Don’t get me wrong I do want a nice guy but if I’m going to commit to a person I want it to be with someone who I really like and who excites me.

I wanted to get other people’s opinions on what they thought the difference between being too picky and settling was so I asked a few people on social media. Here are a few responses that I received:

Being picky is focusing on physical things like height, weight, appearance, good teeth, etc and also on what monetary things the person possesses like cars, money, house, etc. Some of the things are ok, like if you have a thing for teeth then by all means find a man with straight teeth, but if all your qualifications are about the physical appearance or monetary possessions then you are being too picky.

People settle for a number of reasons: they don’t want to be alone, would rather have a piece of a man than none at all, don’t want to start over, comfort, sex, being afraid they won’t find better, etc.

Misplaced priorities…..They find things they feel are important & put up with the rest.

“Settling” enables the belief that one is “too good” for another when it’s really just about preferences & matching them.

Most people agreed that being “too picky” is when you focus more on physical and materialistic qualities like looks and money and “not settling” is when you refuse to commit to someone whose lifestyle or personality doesn’t benefit your own in a positive way.

Some may ask what’s wrong with wanting the type of person that you want to be with even if the qualities are very shallow. I can’t argue with that, but like I’ve always been told you need to be the type of person that you are looking for. If you want someone who is sexy, rich, and has a nice body then you need to make sure that you have those same characteristics. Like the saying goes “don’t be a penny looking for a dime”! One important fact that most people should realize is that you are never going to find someone who is perfect. Maybe I’m being naïve to believe that true love still exists, but when it comes to me committing the rest of my life with someone you better believe that I’m going to make sure that I am capable of loving that person unconditionally and for him to be able to do the same for me.

This article was also featured in Inspire Magazine.