lifestyle – Page 2 – The Double Scoop

Is There A Shortage Of Good Black Men?

Author: Ashley E.

It’s a never ending conversation when it comes to a woman not being able to find a good man; more specifically a black woman trying to find a good black man. Based on the statistics that are constantly being forced down our throats, most black men are incarcerated, homosexual, not interested in black women, or just not worth dating. Not to mention the single fact alone that women outnumber men. From talking to several single black women it seems that when you wean out the men that don’t fall into those above categories, most of the good ones are already taken and the ones remaining worth dating are slim to none.

Tv shows like Being Mary Jane display women so desperate to find a man that they settle for being side chicks and even going so far as to steal sperm to get pregnant. Yasmin Eleby, a woman from Houston, TX made headlines over a year ago when she decided to marry herself because she was still single at the age of 40. The struggle seems to be real out here for the single women, but is it really a struggle or are good black men being overlooked daily due to women having unrealistic standards and expectations? I didn’t want to be bias so I got the opinions of a few black women and men to help me address this continuous topic.

The Male Perspective

How do you feel about black women saying there is a shortage of quality black men?

“I definitely understand the struggle of my sisters & their perspective of there being a shortage of quality black men. However, there are many black women who are quick to put a quality black man in the “friend’s zone” and pursue the one (or ones) who won’t give them with the love, respect & loyalty they deserve. I’ve been “friend zoned” a couple of times.” ~JI

“I don’t like hearing that, but it’s hard for me to take it personal (or even seriously) because I think if you ask 10 different women what a quality black man is, you’ll get 10 different answers. I assume this is in relation to the disproportionate rate that black women graduate from college over their male counterparts, and to that respect I guess it’s true. You can’t really argue with the numbers. But I don’t think you can dismiss a black man as “not quality” or whatever if he didn’t go to college, just like a degree doesn’t automatically make you a good catch. You want to be real about it, sometimes all a degree means is a whole lot of debt for both our quality black asses. And that’s not attractive to nobody.” ~JD

The Female Perspective

Do you feel that there is a shortage of quality black men?

“Sadly, yes there is a shortage of quality black men. Before I got married, yes I felt there was a shortage. Shortly before I met my husband, I had just accepted the fact that I was going to be single for a while. I even prepared myself mentally with the idea that I just might be single forever and never get married.” ~AW

“I don’t think there is a shortage and don’t believe in that. I met several good marriage material guys but wasted time on relationships I knew weren’t going anywhere but cut the good ones off over petty stuff. When I met my husband he was 28 working on his bachelors. He worked security at a club. My black friends were like don’t date him you are better than that and my white friends were like girl please he’s a great guy. Now he works as a financial analyst making more than some of my black friend’s husbands.” ~DG

It’s difficult to answer the question is there a shortage of good black men because it depends on what the woman defines as “good” or “quality”. It’s possible that great black men are being overlooked every day because of unrealistic standards and expectations held by black women. The phrase don’t be a nickel looking for a dime goes a long way so ask yourself are you a reflection of what you’re looking for? With all men regardless of race there are some decent ones and there are some horrible ones, but if you keep attracting the wrong ones you might need to do a self-evaluation. I do feel that for some black women there is a loyalty to hold down the black man and because of that we have tunnel vision for ONLY black men which prevents us from being open to relationships with men of other races. Maybe one of the problems is that women don’t put themselves out there enough to meet a good black man. A man is not going to come wrapped in a pretty bow waiting for us to unwrap him so taking a little initiative by just smiling or saying hello could make a huge difference. From my personal experience I’ve met some great black men and some terrible ones but I will never let the negative experiences make me put all black men in the same box. I am a product of being raised by a good black man. I love black men and I want them to win especially now more than ever with them having it so hard in society.

Photo Cred: ThyBlackMan.Com

No Kid Zone

Author: Amy Nicole

Believe it or not marriage and kids are not top priorities for most millennial women these days. A few months ago I read an article on XoNecole which featured an interview from Shonda Rhimes and Oprah Winfrey about the topic of getting married and having children. At 61, Oprah has no children and has never been married, but she does have a very successful career and has been in a relationship with her long term partner for over 30 years. At 46, Shonda Rhimes is a very successful television writer with 3 daughters. Two of her daughters are adopted and one is by a surrogate. She is adamant that she has absolutely no desire to get married. The purpose of the article was to highlight how women are going against societies guidelines and are creating their own standards for having a happy and successful life. Reading this article put me at so much ease about my thoughts of not wanting to have children because I realized that I wasn’t alone.

My youngest sister just had a daughter 3 months ago and I love my little niece to death. Some times when I’m spending time with her I think to myself that motherhood may not be too bad but then reality sets in that a baby will eventually grow into a pre-teen and then into a rambunctious teenager! I have never really been maternal and sometimes I even get awkward around kids, especially around a group of them. A big part of me has this fear that I won’t be a good parent. Parents have such a big influence on their child’s life and I would hate to screw up my child’s head due to bad parenting.

When I tell my mom that I don’t think I want children she gives me this look of horror like I said I wanted to kill someone. I believe some women are born to be mothers and some women are not. I remember being at church one day and hearing a preacher say it was every woman’s responsibility to have children. While listening to the pastor’s words I thought to myself what if a person doesn’t have the desire for children? I mean just like some people don’t like vegetables some people don’t like kids.

There are a lot of women who are younger than me that already have more than one child. One of the most offensive questions that childless women get asked is, “When are you going to have kids?” What irks me the most is that most of the women who ask the question are the ones who have two or three kids by different men. I think the logic that you should have kids while you’re young rather than when you’re mentally and financially ready to have them is very ignorant. Having children is not something you should rush because they are a lifetime commitment. I know because my parents still have to help me out financially from time to time. You can’t just give them back when you get tired of them; children are a huge responsibility and they require you to make so many sacrifices. You sacrifice your time, energy, money, careers, and for most women your bodies! I’m not ready to sacrifice any of those things right now. Right now I’m single and it’s a struggle for me going to work all day, trying to come home and cook, and trying to fit in a workout. The thought of trying to fit kids into that equation just seems overwhelming.

When I was doing research for this topic I came across an article which listed a few reasons why women shouldn’t have children. Some of those reasons included the following:

You shouldn’t have children unless you can be sure you will love them no matter how they turn out, faults and all. This includes mental or physical disability, if they turn out to be a homicidal maniac or if they don’t do things you understand.

You shouldn’t have children unless you can truly afford them, and have a considerable amount of money stashed away to fund their existence until they are at least 18 years of age. If you want a child so much then you should make it your goal to be able to afford the things they require.

You should not have child for your own gain. Whether it be to keep your marriage together, to have someone to love you, or to have someone to care for you when you are old.

I agree with all of these reasons on why people shouldn’t have children. Growing up I had this idea of what my adult life should look like. Go to college, start a career, get married, and have children. Now that I’m at the point where I need to start thinking about having kids and I don’t think I won’t any, I feel like I’m doing something wrong. Society tells women that they are selfish or less of a woman if they don’t have children when in fact they are neither. The choice not to have kids is a right that every woman should have and they shouldn’t be scrutinized for their decision. I’m not completely crossing kids off of my to do list because things could change in the future, but if I decide not to have kids I don’t think I will look back later in life and have any regrets.

Photo Credit: The Grio

Not Settling Or Being Too Picky?

Author: Amy Nicole

I’ve been told two scenarios when it comes to being in a relationship and getting married. One scenario is that dating and marriage aren’t about love but about what you can deal with in another person. The other is that marriage is too hard to just settle because you have to really love someone to be able to put up with his/her flaws.

I haven’t been in a relationship in a while but I do date, and I’ve been told by some people that the reason I’m still single is probably because I’m too picky. Don’t get me wrong I do want a nice guy but if I’m going to commit to a person I want it to be with someone who I really like and who excites me.

I wanted to get other people’s opinions on what they thought the difference between being too picky and settling was so I asked a few people on social media. Here are a few responses that I received:

Being picky is focusing on physical things like height, weight, appearance, good teeth, etc and also on what monetary things the person possesses like cars, money, house, etc. Some of the things are ok, like if you have a thing for teeth then by all means find a man with straight teeth, but if all your qualifications are about the physical appearance or monetary possessions then you are being too picky.

People settle for a number of reasons: they don’t want to be alone, would rather have a piece of a man than none at all, don’t want to start over, comfort, sex, being afraid they won’t find better, etc.

Misplaced priorities…..They find things they feel are important & put up with the rest.

“Settling” enables the belief that one is “too good” for another when it’s really just about preferences & matching them.

Most people agreed that being “too picky” is when you focus more on physical and materialistic qualities like looks and money and “not settling” is when you refuse to commit to someone whose lifestyle or personality doesn’t benefit your own in a positive way.

Some may ask what’s wrong with wanting the type of person that you want to be with even if the qualities are very shallow. I can’t argue with that, but like I’ve always been told you need to be the type of person that you are looking for. If you want someone who is sexy, rich, and has a nice body then you need to make sure that you have those same characteristics. Like the saying goes “don’t be a penny looking for a dime”! One important fact that most people should realize is that you are never going to find someone who is perfect. Maybe I’m being naïve to believe that true love still exists, but when it comes to me committing the rest of my life with someone you better believe that I’m going to make sure that I am capable of loving that person unconditionally and for him to be able to do the same for me.

Photo Credit: The Libertarian Republic

Working 9 to 5 Just To Stay Alive

Author: Ashley E.

The conveyor belt of life:

Go to school, graduate with a degree, get a job, start a family, and pay bills for just about the rest of your life. The economy has changed so much now that most bachelor’s degrees are equivalent to high school diplomas, and a master’s degree is almost equivalent to a bachelor’s degree. Most of us take out excessive, high interest student loans to pay for our education and once we graduate we find that jobs in our field are scarce so we end up working jobs that we could have obtained without our “fancy” degrees. Most of us are barely making enough to pay back all of the debt we’ve accumulated and we will be forever indebted to the government. Many people are avoiding college all together and deciding to pick up trades or lean towards less traditional careers.

I had a conversation with my sister about how the thought of going to school for so many years just to prepare to work for someone else for the rest of your life is depressing. I do realize that in order for the average person to sustain a lifestyle that person has to work to earn an income. We have bills to pay, food and clothes to buy, families to support, and with whatever is leftover we want to try to somewhat enjoy life within the madness.

About a year ago I came across an interview that J Cole did with Angie Martinez on Power 105.1 and it spoke to me in so many ways. He referred to the majority of us that go through this “conveyor belt” cycle of life as sellouts………..

“We all sellouts….. You selling out. You going to something you don’t like. Why? So you can live and survive. To me life don’t feel like it’s supposed to be like that no more. It feel like somebody time gotta be worth more than $8 an hour. You spend your whole day going to work, 8 hours out of your day. A day is only 24 hours, you gonna sleep 8 of those so right away that’s 16 hours. Half of your day is making $8 an hour. Even if you get $15 an hour and they trying to raise minimum wage. ……A hour of my life is worth $15? Ok but I gotta do it, I gotta work, I gotta eat.”

He also touched on some heavy issues that most people are afraid to talk about. He referred to capitalism as paid slavery and he discussed how most people are out for themselves looking to make a profit despite what is being jeopardized in the process.

“That’s what capitalism teaches us. It’s a every man for himself mentality. It’s a I gotta be on top….For me to be on top, I gotta have a bottom. For me to own McDonalds, I gotta have somebody at the bottom working at McDonalds. For me to own any company, any business… Capitalism is like… to me it’s like… I don’t know the alternative; I don’t even know if it exists. I don’t think we’ve evolved to something that exists yet, but capitalism is just paid slavery. It’s the same set up as slavery, only difference was slaves wasn’t getting paid.”

Martinez addressed him taking part in the Ferguson protests and he opened up on how he feels that we live within a system that wants us to become so preoccupied and distracted with our own lives that we don’t have time to take a stand on anything or have compassion for someone else.

“It’s graduate college and it’s like now I gotta pay my bills now, I gotta get this deal before my time runs out. Like life happens and you worry about all this stuff and you don’t have the time to fight for nothing no more. You don’t have the time to even care because I got my own kids… yea this man died, but it’s like yo bruh I got bills and twitter is popping right now, and Instagram is hot, and ‘Love and Hip Hop Reunion’ is on. It’s like they love to distract you and like keep you occupied while they just molest the world and milk the world. You know what I mean?”

J Cole said a mouthful. He has been on my favorite rapper list for a while now and not just because of his music but because of his mindset and intelligence. The interview made me have a new level of respect for him. A lot of artists are starting to step up and use their influencing power to speak out on a lot of the things that are being swept under the rug in our society.

Check out the interview here.

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Author: Ashley E.

Who wants that perfect love story anyway?………………………… I think most people want to find love whether they want to admit it or not. We want to find our better half, a companion, someone to experience the highs and lows of life with, and someone that will add more happiness to our lives. But what exactly is love? Is love a feeling, a choice, or an action? Is it a combination of the three? How much does love play a part in making a relationship or marriage last? Love is just a four letter word but it has so much depth. I reached out to several men and women to get their opinions on love. Some were married, single, in relationships, divorced and remarried so they all offered diverse and interesting perspectives.

I had a conversation with a coworker a while back about what it meant to love another person and he told me the only woman he truly loved was his ex-girlfriend. I asked him why he loved her and he started listing things that she did for him like cooking, cleaning, giving him massages and bathing him. Oh and mind you, her English was limited so she barely communicated which meant he did the majority of the talking in the relationship. I couldn’t help but to laugh and question whether he actually loved her or did he love what she was doing for him. The men that I cared about the most in my life were the ones that did the least for me in terms of giving me material things. I was more drawn to personality, the connection, communication, and how they made me feel or what they were able to bring out of me. I guess you have to ask yourself if a person stopped doing certain “tangible” things would the love remain?

“I think the things you do is more so the expression of love. I don’t think you can rely only on what someone does for you to tell if they love you though. But it’s a good way to show you care.” ~JD

I think most people including myself think or at one point thought of love and marriage as having butterflies, passion, and being on an endless high. For some people love might be those things, but how long will that sustain a marriage or a relationship? What happens when that wears off? What happens when the relationship hits a roadblock? I remember having a conversation with a friend about not having passion in my relationship. We were both talking about the men we were dating at the time and I told her I wasn’t crazy about the guy that I was dating. I complained about how he annoyed me the majority of the time, how we didn’t have a deep connection or strong communication but on the contrary he was a good person and he treated me right. She told me in the past she based choosing a potential man off of those same factors but found that most of the men she felt “passionate” about were not right for her or didn’t feel the same way about her. My relationship ended a few months later and the guy she was dating at that time ended up proposing a week after our conversation. That was the first time I questioned if my idea of love was unrealistic.

“In dating people put too much emphasis on how someone makes them feel and generally the good long term relationships aren’t based on how someone makes you feel because feelings change daily or even minute by minute.” ~DG

I think many people imagine a special person walking into their life who will complement their personality so well that they will be perfect together. The truth of the matter is that love sometimes doesn’t happen instantly; it tends to develop over time. Everyone you meet is going to have flaws but being able to accept or look past a person’s flaws and love them despite is the key. In my mind the perfect guy for me would be a combination of Lance Gross, Morris Chestnut, Idris Elba, Hill Harper, Michael Ealy, Malcom X, Don Cheadle, Jamie Foxx, Big Krit, Denzel Washington and the list goes on. I’m fully aware that I will not meet a man that will have every single quality that I desire, and I know I won’t have every quality that some men might desire. I don’t think anyone should settle when it comes to love but at the same time you need to have realistic expectations. Television tends to glamorize love, marriage, and relationships without acknowledging the hard work that goes on behind the scenes to make it work.

I watched the Toni Braxton Lifetime movie over the weekend and there was a scene in the movie where Toni and her husband got into a small argument because he was feeling overwhelmed by having to help her out so much. She had a heart attack and the doctor advised her to stay in the bed for a few months until her health improved. Her husband had to take over all of their responsibilities, take care of their kids, and try to cover all of their expenses while focusing on his singing career all at the same time. It took a toll on their marriage and although they loved each other, love wasn’t enough to keep them together. From the feedback I received from the married individuals I learned that your heart isn’t going to skip a beat every time you see that other person and you can’t let how you feel define the relationship because feelings change constantly.

“Having been married before, I would say that no one should expect perfection. Marriage is about a relationship, respect, responsibility, and ultimately building a life with someone. The person you will marry will not be perfect, but you also need to accept that you’re not going to be perfect either. Accept that both of you will have flaws but that’s why communication is so important in a relationship as well” ~DR

My parents have been married over 30 years and I know without a doubt love is not what kept them together all of these years. They are two people that chose to stay committed to one another throughout the ups and downs of their relationship. I haven’t decided whether or not I want to get married because marriage isn’t easy and everyone isn’t equipped to handle it. I fear not being a good wife, I fear falling out of love, I fear not knowing how to be fully committed to another person, I fear losing myself in another person, and I fear the marriage failing. Love is a gamble and relationships and marriage require two committed people to make it work. I think people get excited about the idea of marriage not fully comprehending how much goes into making it last. I learned from the people I interviewed that lasting relationships take sacrifice, commitment, compromise, and being unselfish.

“Marriage is a business. Has to be based off love but it’s a real deal commitment and a lot of people underestimate it.“ ~EW

“It’s about balance. No one is perfect. I say that with respect to having flaws. It’s about being complementary. We are people, not robots. No one is exactly alike, so really a flaw isn’t necessarily a flaw. It’s just a way of how someone may identify themselves.” ~UO

WHAT COLLEGE DIDN’T TEACH ME

Remember when your parents told you that going to college was the key to a successful career and life? Well today that advice certainly doesn’t apply to most millennials. According to research many millennials over the age of 25 with a college degree are burdened with student loan debt and working jobs that don’t require a degree.

A few months ago I went out to eat with some of my friends and we were all talking about the benefits of going to college. All of my friends are college grads and most of us, including myself have two degrees. We often complain about how much student loan debt we have and how much life would be easier if we didn’t even go to college. I’ve had this conversation with many people my age and a lot of us feel like college didn’t prepare us too much for our experiences today. Many people who go to college end up working jobs that are not in their fields. A lot of us have thousands of dollars of student loan debt which most of us can barely afford to pay back with the jobs that we obtained after graduating. If college is supposed to prepare you for the real world, why doesn’t it teach you basic concepts like doing taxes, how to manage your finances, or even how to communicate or negotiate well which is imperative in the workforce? For the most part college pretty much teaches you how to work for somebody else when in actuality we should all be working for ourselves and building our own empire.

If I could go back I wish I would have taken the time out to find out what I wanted out of life before going to college or grad school. I always felt this pressure by my parents to go to school and I never really established what exactly I wanted to do for myself. I think people should take at least 1-2 years off after finishing high school before going to college just to find out what they really want to do career wise.

A year and ½ ago I quit my job and started on a new career path in writing. I know that making a living out of a writing career is going to be challenging but writing is my passion and working for someone else for the rest of my life is not an option.

Going to college does not equate to a successful career and I think we should stop feeding people this false sense of hope. Don’t get me wrong for some people college is beneficial but it’s definitely not the best path for everyone.

INCIDENTS IN MISSOURI MIRROR CIVIL RIGHTS ERA

Several black students walk hand and hand amongst a crowd of white parade goers at the homecoming parade for the University of Missouri. They each step out of line one by one speaking into a megaphone to the now former university president Tim Wolfe about the incidents of racism and discrimination that they have encountered while attending the school. The students are a part of the organization Concerned Student 1950, which was named after the year the first African American graduate student was admitted to the university.

If you were reading about this situation in a book you would think that the time period was during the civil rights era not in the year 2015! I admit due to my busy schedule I haven’t been keeping up with the story as much as I should have but today I finally got a chance to read up on all that has been going on at the university. I was surprised to learn about a lot of the racial encounters that many of the black students faced so frequently on the campus such as being called a nigger or seeing racial acts of vandalism around the campus.

I’ve read comments where some people have actually said that the students should have just gone to an HBCU where incidents like this would not have taken place. I strongly disagree with statements like these. I actually attended a PWI and I enjoyed my college experience without encountering any type of discrimination or racism. Students should be able to attend the college of their choice whether it be an HBCU or a PWI.

I think what irks me the most about this situation are the insensitive comments made by people who have no idea what it feels like to be discriminated against or to have experienced racism. I read one comment where a guy said that blacks are always protesting about something. People are so quick to dismiss the race card when it doesn’t affect them specifically.

People born after 1992 are sometimes referred to as “the lost” or misguided generation but after seeing these students stand up for their rights I have no doubt in my mind that the future is in great hands.

It seems as though the worse of the campus situation is over. Arrests have been made for students who posted death threats to black students, and Mike Middleton has been appointed as interim UM System president since Tim Wolfe resigned from his position. Incidents like these go to show that we still have a long way to go regarding race relations in this country.

Source: Missourian

Photo Credits: The Final Call; State of HBCUS

Love Yourz: Are You Lovin’ You?

One of my favorite songs on J Cole’s latest album 2014 Forest Hills Drive is a track called Love Yourz. The song talks about being content with your situation and life regardless of what it might look like in comparison to another persons’. The message of the song is so relatable in this period of time that we’re living in. When you turn on the television the lives of the rich, beautiful and famous are glorified and glamorized. When you log onto social media sites your timeline is flooded with the lives of people who are showcasing to the world a picture perfect life, and for most the picture that they’re painting is far from perfect. What we see are illusions and those illusions cause a lot of people to become envious and depressed because they’re comparing their life to someone else’s.

The song also makes me think about self-love. I don’t think people realize how important and almost vital it is to love yourself before you decide to begin a relationship with another person. I’m realizing this now in my life more than ever. One bad habit that I have is looking in the mirror excessively. Some might consider it vanity but honestly it’s me over analyzing and critiquing what “I” consider to be flaws when I look in the mirror. Sometimes I find myself even comparing my appearance to others and wishing certain features I have were different instead of just embracing my uniqueness. I’ve never really considered myself to be overly insecure or someone that lacked confidence but over the past 2 years life dealt me some hard blows that caused me to second guess so many things about myself including my worth, my physical appearance and my importance.

I realized how much I needed validation from others about my appearance when I started my natural hair journey about 2 years ago. One day I decided to wear my hair in a new style and I remember looking in the mirror smiling and thinking to myself I really like my hair and the way that I look. Later that day I met up with the guy I was dating at the time and as soon as I opened the door to greet him his first words to me were “you look different!” followed by a shocked look and laughter. It was obvious he didn’t find my new look as flattering as I did and to make it worse he made jokes about my hair and appearance. I remember how insecure his words made me feel and how uncomfortable I felt going to work the next day out of fear of how people would perceive my new look. When I walked through the doors at my job my co-workers eyes lit up and they expressed how beautiful they thought my hair looked and how well the hair style suited me. I felt a sigh of relief because I received my validation to let me know I looked good. Realizing how much I relied on validation let me know that I definitely had some internal work to do. I feel like if you can’t look in the mirror and say I love myself and like whose staring back at you in the mirror than there is a problem.

Over the years I’ve invested a lot in relationships with significant others while neglecting one of the most important relationships I can have; that’s the relationship I have with myself. As this year comes to a close and going into a new year I made a vow to work on loving myself. I want to love myself, date myself, get to know myself more, and be content with only needing my validation before I allow someone else in my life. Loving yourself is an action that is easier said than done and I know it will take time but it’s an investment that is so worth it in the long run. How you feel about yourself can affect so many areas of your life and it plays a huge role in the relationships you have with others. It’s difficult sometimes not to get caught up on the physical and outward appearance because it’s what we see immediately. I know that the true reflection of who we are resides inside of us and I want my internal beauty and light to shine through to the outside.

This article was also featured on Confessions of An Ambitious Girl.

The Matrimony

I think growing up most girls fantasize about their perfect wedding day. I can remember being in elementary school and discussing with my friends what color my bridesmaids dresses were going to be and how I would wear my hair on my special day. Now that I’m at the age where most of my peers are starting to get married or are already married I question if marriage is something that I really even want or am capable of.

Divorce rates seem to be on the rise and the idea of living happily ever after seems to just be an unrealistic fantasy. Now I do know some couples who are making marriage work and who seem to be happily married but there are many others who just couldn’t make their relationships last. When I talk to people who are married most of them say “make sure you’re ready!” or “please don’t rush!” Many married couples that I’ve encountered talk about how much work it is going to be. The hard work part scares me because usually when I have dated guys in the past I will cut them off with a quickness if they did something that I didn’t like or if they started to annoy me. Even my mom who has been married to my dad for over 30 years has told me that she and my dad aren’t in love anymore and that the best part of the marriage was raising me and my siblings. That type of relationship doesn’t appeal to me. I know marriage is going to have its ups and downs but if I’m going to be committed to someone for the rest of my life then I want to be happy at the least. I think another myth about marriage is that marriage equates to happiness. I’ve met some people who have said that their life was much better before starting a family.

What most people don’t realize about marriage is that it’s supposed to be a lifetime commitment. I come from a get rich quick generation where most people my age don’t want to put in the time and effort to make relationships last. Is it realistic to believe that you can stay committed to just one person for your entire life? I personally like to be to myself a lot of times so the thought of another person invading my personal space every second of the day gives me anxiety.

I guess the biggest question regarding marriage is, what is your reason for wanting to get married? I grew up in a Christian household so I was taught that marriage was the right thing to do for adults who wanted to start a family. Now that I’m questioning if I even want to get married let alone have kids what is my alternative? Being alone forever? LOL maybe I can have an Oprah and Stedman type of relationship and have a long term partnership; you’re there for me when I need you but at the end of the day we can go our separate ways without the contract agreement. But even that type of relationship after a while would get old. Who really wants to be in their senior years still playing the dating field.

So will I get married? Only time will tell, but I’m definitely not one of those women who make marriage and kids their top priority. I think if a person decides that they want to get married they need to make sure they can truly commit to someone during the good times and the bad. On the other hand I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people who decide not to get married. Marriage isn’t for everyone and it’s probably one of the hardest jobs that most people will ever have in their lives. It should be a personal preference whether or not you want to take on that type of commitment.

Photo Credit: Black Enterprise

This article was also featured on Confessions of an Ambitious Girl Blog.

Is There A Shortage of Good Black Men?

Author: Ashley E.