dating; lifestyle – The Double Scoop

SEXLESS

When I tell guys that I’m abstinent the most common response that I receive is, “How do you do it!?” No, I’m not a virgin but believe it or not sex is something that I really don’t have a strong desire for. To be quite honest a large part of it is due to the fact that I’ve never just had great sex! When I talk to other women about my lack of good sex they look at me in pity. The most common response that I receive is, “Girl I feel so bad for you! I love sex!” Men on the other hand take my predicament as a challenge in hopes of being the guy that will make me change my mind.

I’ve gone months, even years without having sex and when I finally give in to the temptation the experience just isn’t worth it and the moment isn’t very memorable. One issue that I might be having is that most of my sexual experiences have been more on the casual side. Not that I’m going around having one night stands, but I haven’t been in a relationship in a while so most of the guys that I end up having sex with are just guys that I’m randomly dating. The older that I get I’m definitely realizing that I’m not a casual sex type of person. I know most guys can have sex with a woman and forget about her the next day, but with me I feel like if I’m having sex with you I’m giving you a part of me and that’s not something I want to share so freely.

I spoke with a lot of guys regarding the subject of sex and the consensus of most men under the age of 40 is that sex is definitely a deal breaker in a relationship. When I asked guys if they would date a female who was choosing to be abstinent most either said no or that they would date her but would definitely be getting sex from someone else on the side.

When I asked women how important sex is in a relationship most of them said it was important but that they were willing to compromise having great sex in exchange for a great guy with a good personality. Most women who are in a good relationship said that they have faked having an orgasm to stroke their man’s ego.

I’m not saying that I’m going to wait until I get married to have sex again but I do want to have a deep connection with the next person. Some people might call it old fashioned but to me it simplifies things so much. Sex in a way complicates relationships because it makes you feel like you are so attached to this person but in reality you are really not. From a biblical perspective when you have sex with someone it causes a soul tie which makes it hard to break away from them. A perfect example of this are couples who fight all the time but they stay together because the sex is good.

My advice to any single person practicing abstinence is to set your boundaries. If you tell a person you’re abstinent and they still try to pursue you sexually you should cut that relationship off immediately because they obviously don’t respect you. You can tell when a person is genuinely interested in you because they will actually take the time to get to know you without rushing things. Also don’t let people intimidate you. I’ve been told by other women that the right man may not wait around for me but I believe if a person is right for you, you won’t have to compromise your morals or standards to be with them.

Photo Credit: HuffPost

How Many Dating Partners Should A Person Have?

We have all heard the saying “don’t put all your eggs in one basket” and I believe this same phrase should be applied to the number of dating partners that a person should have. Now before you give me the “side eye” I’m not saying that you should have sex with everyone that you date but I do think that it is okay to casually date several people at one time.

I will use a personal experience as an example. A few years ago when I was in school I was casually dating a guy and I started developing strong feelings for him. He was the only guy that I was dating at the time but he on the other hand was dating other women. He ended up pursuing a relationship with one of the other females that he was dating which led to me getting hurt. Now I couldn’t be upset with him because I knew he was dating other people. My mistake was not clearly relaying to him my feelings and what my future relationship goals were.

When I asked other men and women about this topic it seemed as though the views from both sexes slightly differed. Most men who said they were seriously pursuing a woman said they usually tried to date one woman at a time because dating tended to get pretty expensive. As a female I never looked at dating from a man’s point of view. Most men pay for the expenses as far as going to a movie and out to dinner so I could see how that would add up for a man dating more than one woman. To solve that problem people who are dating could opt for free events like day festivals or even try going to a park to just talk. Women on the other hand seemed to be more open to dating more than one person as long as sex wasn’t involved for each partner that they dated.

I think as far as dating goes as long as the walls of communication are open between both people and everyone is honest and upfront about their intentions, dating multiple people is perfectly fine.

Photo Credit: Busted Halo

This article is also featured on Confessions of an Ambitious Girl.

SHOULD A WOMAN PURSUE A MAN?

If you’re a single female I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Let The Man Do The Chasing!” For many years I believed this to be true and thought that it was the man’s responsibility to pursue a woman, now my view point on approaching men has changed for many reasons.

One reason in particular is that women out number men, which means that men have plenty more options when it comes to choosing a partner. Ladies you could possibly be a great catch, you can have a great job, good credit, be very attractive and educated but for each one of you there are 20 more women just like you for each single man.

I was having a discussion about dating with my sister and we were talking about how most women usually don’t approach guys unless they initiate conversation with us first. My motto used to be that if a guy was really interested in me that he would make the first move. If you’re a woman that agrees with this statement have you ever thought that maybe a guy didn’t approach you because he was shy or fearful of rejection? Just like us women don’t want to face rejection men certainly don’t either.

I’ve actually initated dates with guys before and I have had pretty good experiences. Most of the guys were glad that I approached them and were enthused that I showed initiative. Surprisingly when I asked them if they would have approached me first some of them said no because they figured I was already taken or wouldn’t be interested.

In today’s society the rules of dating are changing and I don’t think there is anything wrong with women going after what they want. I commend women who want to wait on what they consider to be the “right guy” but from my own personal experience you could definitely be missing out on meeting a really great guy just because you are unwilling to take a chance.

Photo Credit: New Era

This article was also featured on Confessions of an Ambitious Girl.