Single, Childless & Unbothered

no kid zone (1)

Photo Credit: The Grio

Believe it or not marriage and kids are not top priorities for most millennial women these days. I read an article on XoNecole which featured an interview from Shonda Rhimes and Oprah Winfrey about the topic of getting married and having children. At 63, Oprah has no children and has never been married, but she does have a very successful career and has been in a relationship with her long term partner for over 30 years.  At 47, Shonda Rhimes is a very successful television writer with 3 daughters. Two of her daughters are adopted and one is by a surrogate. She is adamant that she has absolutely no desire to get married. The purpose of the article was to highlight how women are going against societies guidelines and are creating their own standards for having a happy and successful life. Reading this article put me at so much ease about not having kids and being single.

My youngest sister had her second child 6 months ago and I love my little nieces to death. Some times when I’m spending time with her I think to myself that motherhood may not be too bad but then reality sets in that a baby will eventually grow into a pre-teen and then into a rambunctious teenager! I have never really been maternal and sometimes I even get awkward around kids, especially around a group of them. A big part of me has this fear that I won’t be a good parent. Parents have such a big influence on their child’s life and I would hate to screw up my child’s head due to bad parenting.

When I tell my mom that I don’t think I want children she gives me this look of horror like I said I wanted to kill someone. I believe some women are born to be mothers and some women are not. I remember being at church one day and hearing a preacher say it was every woman’s responsibility to have children. While listening to the pastor’s words I thought to myself what if a person doesn’t have the desire for children? I mean just like some people don’t like vegetables some people don’t like kids.

There are a lot of women who are younger than me that already have more than one child.  One of the most offensive questions that childless women get asked is, “When are you going to have kids?”  What irks me the most is that most of the women who ask the question are the ones who have two or three kids by different men. I think the logic that you should have kids while you’re young rather than when you’re mentally and financially ready to have them is very ignorant. Having children is not something you should rush because they are a lifetime commitment. I know because my parents still have to help me out financially from time to time.  You can’t just give them back when you get tired of them; children are a huge responsibility and they require you to make so many sacrifices. You sacrifice your time, energy, money, careers, and for most women your bodies!  I’m not ready to sacrifice any of those things right now.  Right now I’m single and it’s a struggle for me going to work all day, trying to come home and cook, and trying to fit in a workout. The thought of trying to fit kids into that equation just seems overwhelming.

When I was doing research for this topic I came across an article which listed a few reasons why women shouldn’t have children. Some of those reasons included the following:

  • You shouldn’t have children unless you can be sure you will love them no matter how they turn out, faults and all. This includes mental or physical disability, if they turn out to be a homicidal maniac or if they don’t do things you understand.
  • You shouldn’t have children unless you can truly afford them, and have a considerable amount of money stashed away to fund their existence until they are at least 18 years of age. If you want a child so much then you should make it your goal to be able to afford the things they require.
  • You should not have child for your own gain. Whether it be to keep your marriage together, to have someone to love you, or to have someone to care for you when you are old.

I agree with all of these reasons on why people shouldn’t have children.  Growing up I had this idea of what my adult life should look like. Go to college, start a career, get married, and have children. Now that I’m at the point where I need to start thinking about having kids and I don’t think I won’t any, I feel like I’m doing something wrong.  Society tells women that they are selfish or less of a woman if they don’t have children when in fact they are neither. The choice not to have kids is a right that every woman should have and they shouldn’t be scrutinized for their decision. I’m not completely crossing kids off of my to do list because things could change in the future, but if I decide not to have kids I don’t think I will look back later in life and have any regrets.



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