Author: Amy Nicole
It’s hilarious to me when I ask guys how many children they want to have and they start blurting out numbers like 4,5, and 6 like they are the ones who have to carry the child for 9 months! I’m at the age where women are starting to get married and have kids, but my desire for children just seems non-existent. I’ve been told that when I meet the right guy my feelings will change, but I’m not sure that they will. I have never really been maternal and sometimes I even get awkward around kids, especially around a group of them. A big part of me has this fear that I won’t be a good parent. Parents have such a big influence on their child’s life and I would hate to screw up my child’s head due to bad parenting. When I tell my mom that I don’t think I want children she gives me this look of horror like I said I wanted to kill someone. Sure I gush over an adorable baby when I see one but I realize that the child will not always remain a baby. I believe some women are born to be mothers and some women are not. I remember being at church one day and hearing a preacher say it was every woman’s responsibility to have children. I was thinking to myself what if you don’t have the desire for children. I mean just like some people don’t like vegetables some people don’t like kids
There are a lot of women I work with who are younger than me and they already have more than one child. One of the most offensive questions that I get asked is, “When are you going to have kids? You better hurry up before you turn 30!” What irks me the most is that most of the women who harass childless women about not having kids are the ones who aren’t even married but have two or three kids by different men. I think this logic that you should have kids while you’re young rather than when you’re mentally and financially ready to have them is very ignorant. Having children is not something you should rush because they are a lifetime commitment. I know because my parents still have to help me out financially from time to time. You can’t just give them back when you get tired of them; children are a huge responsibility and they require you to make so many sacrifices. You sacrifice your time, energy, money, careers, and for women your bodies! I’m not ready to sacrifice any of those things right now. Right now I’m single and it’s a struggle for me going to work all day, trying to come home and cook and trying to fit in a workout. The thought of trying to fit kids into that equation just seems overwhelming. I definitely want to get married one day but a fear that I have is what if I meet the guy of my dreams but he wants children and I still don’t have the desire for them. Do I risk losing a husband or do I have children anyway to appease my husband’s needs?
Another predicament that women have who decide to postpone childbearing is that darn biological clock! 35 is supposedly the cut off age if you want to have a healthy child, but what if you’re not ready to have kids by that age. I know women are having children much later now but I don’t want to be in my 40’s raising a young child; I just don’t have the patience.
When I was doing research for this topic I came across an article which listed a few reasons why women shouldn’t have children. Some of those reasons included the following:
You shouldn’t have children unless you can be sure you will love them no matter how they turn out, faults and all. This includes mental or physical disability, if they turn out to be a homicidal maniac or if they don’t do things you understand.
You shouldn’t have children unless you can truly afford them, and have a considerable amount of money stashed away to fund their existence until they are at least 18 years of age. If you want a child so much then you should make it your goal to be able to afford the things they require.
You should not have child for your own gain. Whether it be to keep your marriage together, to have someone to love you, or to have someone to care for you when you are old.
I agree with all of these reasons on why people shouldn’t have children. Growing up I had this idea of what my adult life should look like. Go to college, start the career, get married, and have children. Now that I’m at the point where I need to start thinking about having kids and I don’t think I won’t any, I feel like I’m doing something wrong. Society tells women that they are selfish, or less of a woman if they don’t have children when in fact they are neither. The choice not to have kids is a right that every woman should have and they shouldn’t be scrutinized for their decision. I’m not completely crossing kids off of my to do list because I’m still pretty young and things could change, but if I decide not to have kids I don’t think I will look back later in life and have any regrets.